To be loved
by AngstyAlice
Summary: Starting when Callie tells moms about Liam, my version of how the time directly after that plays out between episodes. Mostly hurt Callie and caring Stef/Lena & their dynamic. (TW for OD and flashback) (not sh) Story is better than my ability to summarize
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- This is my first Fosters story. It starts when Callie tells moms about Liam. Its mostly hurt Callie and comforting moms. I just really like the potential of their dynamic. It's not entirely going to follow the story but there are some parts that are the same. Please let me know what you think, if you don't like it then i won't keep going, if you do i will update. Please don't be too mean with your comments but i do respect your thoughts so please let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy.**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this glass of wine.**

**Callie POV**

I can't believe I just told moms about Liam. It was harder than telling Brandon, the words stuck in my throat drying my mouth to the level of a desert. Seriously is there no moisture left in this air? Brandon left the conversation when moms started asking questions. He obviously either didn't care anymore or now, and the more logical to me, he finds me just as disgusting as I find myself.

There were tears from everyone around the room. I didn't realize it right away as I could barely see though the mist in my eyes, but as I willed them to dry I could see the tear stained cheeks of the women I now consider my mothers. The story was out there, they were probably going to send me away, but at least they know about Sarah now, at least they could save her. I really just want to take a shower, a long long shower, and scratch away his hands that I feel on my body. Then, curl into bed, cover myself up and hide for the rest of my life.

"Are we done here? Please, I just want to take a shower and go to bed." I say

"I know you must be exhausted sweetie" Lena soothed. I don't know what it is, but something about her voice just always makes me want to run over to her, give her a hug, hide my face in her curls and hold on for dear life. Crap! This is only temporary, they're not my moms. I haven't even used that word out loud yet, so why is it so easy to think of it?

"Sure can bug, just one more thing first." Stef said, earning a confused glance from both me and mama. "First you need a mama sandwich!" Both moms encircled me smothering me with kisses, I couldn't help the giggles that came out. We all calmed down but no one was ready to let go just yet.

**Stef POV**

"Thank you for telling us. We'll help you get through this, you don't have to be alone anymore. You know this is not your fault, yes?" I asked. I would have thought the broken child in my arms didn't hear the question with the lack of response I was getting until Callie tried squirming from my grasp "You did nothing wrong my sweet Callie girl." I don't know what to say to make her understand. I thought my heart broke hearing what happened but her believing it was her fault?! What this sick bastard did was anyones fault but hers. My baby is in pain and there's nothing I can do about it.

Having finally escaped our grasp, Lena and I could both tell she shut down. Standing stoically with a detached voice Callie said "It's a school night, I'm going to bed." Callie turned, walking up the stairs she added. "Just save her before she's too broken." So quietly that we almost missed it. Almost.

Stunned silence surrounded Lena and I in the living room, we just sat there holding eachother trying to process the events of the evening. It could have been moments or minutes or hours later we heard a thud from upstairs and what sounded like glass shattering. With due haste we rushed up to the bathroom where there was now a crowd outside the locked door. The only sound breaking the family's deafening silence was the sobs from within.

Lena got Brandon to take the kids out for ice cream while we deal with this drastically deteriorating situation. Jude took a little extra encouragement to persuade him, we finally convinced him that this was a mom thing to deal with and he would be more help leaving us space so she wouldnt feel she had to protect him. Our attention came back to the door where the sobs had died down, we coud only hear some gasps and whimpers now. Lena and I locked eyes, I tried to give her an encouraging smile but it fell flat and I knocked, hoping for some acknowledgment in response.

**Callies POV**

I could hear a knock at the door after the sounds of my siblings voices disappeared into the distance. I almost scoffed at her knocking, like I was really going to open the door? I could barely breathe there is no way I was going to open this door right now. I know Stef said it's not my fault but was she even listening to me? Maybe they figured it out and want me out of their house right now. Some reason this increases my anxiety, I hear my blood rushing in my ears. I need to keep from passing out, I need to breathe but forgot how. My hand is killing me from punching that mirror but it felt so good. I'm sitting surrounded by its broken pieces. Reflecting all of the broken homes, broken memories, distorted reflections, shining like the tears that are falling from my face in the moons glow. The glow that mocks, as if its possible for there to be some sort of light in the darkness of this night. Go home moon, I don't deserve your light.

Finally Stefs voice, her cop voice, pulls me from my reverie. Its her victim voice, the one meant to sooth, but its cracking ever so slightly.

"Callie... Honey?... Sweets? Please say something so we know you're okay..." Silence. I want to crawl to the door but I can't move. Her voice seems so distant right now.

"I know you're hurting, that's okay, you're allowed to feel whatever you are feeling but we can help, just talk to me bug, please?" Silence. I know she's in the same spot but her voice is getting quieter or the blood rushing is getting louder. Either way I'm 99 percent certain that I'm going to die right now. Legit fall over dead, why can't I remember how to breath? Stupid mind giving up on me like everyone else.

"Okay, Callie I get that you want to be alone right now, I respect that but you can't just lock yourself in the bathroom. So unlock this door right now." Stef said trying a different approach I could hear her voice rising, as if she was going to cry again. As if she cared? No, no one cares. Hmm, the dark spots I'm seeing in my eyes can't be healthy. Maybe the cold tile will feel good, not like I have many options as I'm shaking so hard I can barely hold myself up anymore. I'm gasping but where is the oxygen, damn atmosphere leaving me too.

"If you're by the door move away, okay? I don't want to hurt you but I'm coming in." I hear the words but they don't make sense. I hear both moms gasp as the door breaks open, then all I see is the floor coming to me faster and it all goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- thank you for the comments/follows/favourites, they mean the world to me. I got one saying Callie doesn't think of her as their moms until after the trial but to me and this story she trusts them enough to tell them about Liam so she's already starting to think of them as her moms. I know I don't have Lena POV yet but don't worry that's coming. This is a bit of a shorter chapter but i wanted to get in an update today. Thank you for reading please leave a review and share your thoughts. Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, i only own this bottle of bubbles and half a cup of coffee.**

**Stef's POV**

She wasn't responding. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Why wasn't she responding? What did she do? I couldn't think straight anymore, if I could maybe I would've remembered the keys we had for every room in our bedroom. But I couldn't, so I did the only thing my mind would let me and kicked the door in.

I saw the feeble girl spiraling in her panic attack, sitting in shards of mirror, grasping her bloody hand. My partner and I gasped at the sight, before I could say anything the girl passed out the glass becoming her bed.

"Callie! Callie!" I rush to her side, trying to clear away some glass and lay her down. I get her laying as best I could in the debris.

"Honey I need you to wake up for me. Please wake up." I plead as I gently shake her shoulder. "Callie!" This is taking too long, why isn't she awake yet? Dammit! Just wake up! I shouldn't have left her alone. "Baby, please. Please wake up for me." I'm on the verge of crying now.

Her eyes start to flutter, it's the best sight I've ever seen, she looks at me confused. "You're okay. You're okay." I'm not sure if I'm saying it to convince her or myself but the words need to be spoken to be made real. Only now do I realize that Lena is still frozen in the doorway.

"Lena, darling can you go get some water and crackers for Callie and we'll meet you in the bedroom." Lena just nods and walks away.

"Okay, honey we're going to get you up and to the bedroom so you don't get hurt by the glass, then we're going to talk, okay?"

**Callie's POV**

No. No that's not okay, I feel like I'm going to pass out again. My head hurts and I just want to lay here on the cold tile, so no, I'm not going anywhere.

"Hey, it's okay. I heard your breathing you just got too overwhelmed and hyperventilated. Passing out was just your bodies reset button. It'll be okay, but we have to get you off this floor."

Reset button? Am I a flipping computer? "Mmhmm." I mumble. If I tried to make words I think only sobs would come out. I'm not crying anymore but that doesn't mean I don't want to.

"I know you're scared right now. But, do you trust me?"

Are you kidding? I just told you about Liam! That's trust. But no no I don't trust you enough to blindly follow whatever you're thinking of. Apparently that pause was all she needed to understand my hesitation.

"Honey. I'm not going to hurt you, I want to help. When have I done anything to hurt you?"

"Everyone starts somewhere" I mumble.

"Oh sweets. The universe isn't against you, you just haven't stuck around long enough for your luck to find you."

"Stop calling me that! I'm not your sweets or honey or whatever. I'm not yours so why are you pretending to care?"

"No matter where you go from here you will always be mine and Lena's. This is your last rest stop and if we need to we will foster you until you age out we will but we aren't going to let you get hurt again."

I can't help the scoff that escapes. They can't save me, I can't even save myself. I can see in her eyes she honestly believes her lies. Maybe that means they aren't lies at all?

"I will spend every day if I have to reminding you that you are loved, that you are valued, that you are not disposable. I will tell you and show you everyday until you believe it, then I'll still keep going because you are precious. Your existence matters."

Well, there goes the whole not crying thing. No ones said that before, especially not as though they believe it. I don't believe the things she says about me, I want to but it's just to hard. No ones cared before, the people who gave me life didn't even care. So why would these strangers voluntarily love me?

She pulls me in for a hug, I tense but don't pull away, she then wipes away my tears and stands up. Stef helps me slowly off the floor. As I sway her hand finds my hip and pulls me into her side. I'm too tired to fight it, I let her take my weight and lead me to the bedroom as Lena comes back up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Well, here's chapter three. Let me know what you think. I know im making things tightly linear so i can skip some time if you all want. I hope you are still liking it, and thank you for sticking around. your reviews/follows/favs make me happy. Let me know what you think! Please R&R!**

**As always- i don't own the Fosters, all i own is half a mug of coffee.**

**Callie POV**

We enter the bedroom. All three of us are shrouded in silence, the air is heavy and tension thick. Stef places her hand on the low of my back to lead me to the bed. I flinch. I feel kind of bad about it its not like I can control it. I can see the hurt in Stef's eyes even though she turns her head to hide it.

We are all sitting awkwardly on the bed while someone thinks of what to say. I don't even want to be here so they can take the reins. Why do they even care? I see the sad looks on their face but I didn't do anything to hurt anyone.

"Callie..." Lena sighs, her voice always relaxes me. I see her reach forward and as she brushes tears away that I didn't realize were falling. Why do they have this ability to make me feel, I want it to go away. I don't want to care if they're disappointed or seek their praise. I don't want to long for them to hug me and worst of all I don't want to feel so freaking safe when they do.

I hear a deep sigh and realize it came from me. My cheeks blush as I duck my head further down.

"Sweetheart... Please look at me." This time it's Stef's voice that breaks the silence, her voice is steady and strong I can't help but comply and meet her eyes with my own. I'm surprised to see what looks like a mix of love and concern.

"Please talk to us. We want to help you but we can't do that if we don't know whats wrong." I want to stand up and scream that everything is wrong. That knowing what happened in every foster home before here wasn't supposed to be normal is wrong. That me trusting them to tell them about Liam is wrong. That them not yelling at me for breaking the mirror is wrong. That they never should have taken me in because now I have to feel things I haven't felt since my mom died and that is so wrong I cant breathe. But, I can't so that. So I sit there in silence and look down to my swollen, bruised, and bleeding hand trying to count the pulse from the throbbing.

**Lena POV**

Callie shies away further and looks down. My eyes follow her and I finally get a look at what damage actually occurred. Her hand looks like it must hurt, a lot. We also need to get it cleaned, take out any remaining glass, and see if she broke anything or not.

Apparently Stef's eyes drifted there too as she sighs and stands up, looking back at me a bit defeated that the girl still hasn't said anything. We lock eyes as Stef says "Love, I'm going to clean up the bathroom so no one gets hurt and bring back some things for Callie's hand." She's also telling me to try to talk to Callie alone, like I might have luck. I nod and give a sad smile then she turns and exists the room.

My eyes land on Callie again and she is looking at me intently, as if shes trying to read my thoughts, as if I might finally crack. I start to move closer to her but she stiffens as if she might run. I take in a deep breath and pause, just looking at her. I'm trying to express that I won't hurt her that I just want what's best for her. I think she gets that as I see her visibly start to relax again.

So I move forward slightly again. This time she doesn't move. I end up sitting right next to her and take her hand. No words have been spoken but I know words aren't needed. I've seen with Jude that touch is her language. She squeezes my hand which I think startles her a bit because she then pulls it away and shifts over. "It's okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." I try to encourage but she looks back at me with bewilderment. As if no one stays so why would I even think to say that.

"You will leave, everyone does. One day you'll realize how defective I actually am and send me back to the factory with all the other broken toys. Even if you didn't want to, what I told you earlier, that puts a big 'sexually volatile' sticker on my forehead. Just please keep Jude, okay?" My heart breaks that she thinks she'll get taken away and all she cares about is who will take care of Jude. I wish so much that we had gotten them before they went through all of those bad homes.

"First you are not defective honey, you have had a hard life and done what you needed to survive and keep Jude safe. There is nothing about that which makes you anything other than a strong person. Second, no one is taking you away. You are not volatile, what happened was not your fault, therefore there is no reason for you to go anywhere, okay?" My voice cracks and my eyes well with tears seeing the desperation in this girls eyes but I need her to know she's safe.

"No one believed me then, why would they now?" She says as her resolve dissolves and she breaks down in tears. The day has been filled with so much emotion all of us are exhausted. She starts shaking as sobs rack her body.

"I believe you! I will always believe you." I say as I wrap the sobbing girl in my arms as tears start escaping my eyes. I expect her to pull away but apparently she is really tired because she just leans into me and lets me hold her as I whisper in her ear that she's safe here, she's loved, and she's not going anywhere.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Sorry i haven't updated this in awhile, things have been crazy with work and my thesis research. I'll try to update more frequently. Thank you for sticking with this story and reading, it means a lot. If you get the chance I would love it if you leave me a review and let me know what you're thinking. The reviews keep me going. I know the story all has a close time line, let me know if you hate it but i work better linear. I hope you enjoy.**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, I just own this slice of pizza.**

**Callie POV**

I don't know how long I was crying but eventually my body wracking sobs died down into me silently shaking in Lena's arms. For the life of me I can't stop crying. I hate myself for feeling safe in her arms but I can't help feeling that way. I hate them for getting my walls down so easily. Actually, I don't hate them and I think that's the problem. Seriously, how the heck do I have any tears left? I guess all the years of holding it in are catching up to me.

I get pulled out of my thoughts as I hear the click of the door. I practically jump out of Lena's arms and start shaking harder. and she tightens them in response. I hide my face further into her neck. Her hand starts rubbing circles on my back and her lips find my ear as she whispers "Shhh... you're okay. It's just Stef. You're safe, I've got you." Something about her voice lulls me and makes me want to believe everything she tells me. Honestly, right now she could say there are little purple aliens lighting the house on fire and I'd believe her and be okay with it.

She's rocking us softly and every few moments whispering that I'm safe. My mind starts drifting to figure out if I could make a lake with these stupid tears that won't stop when Stef's voice causes me to jump. Really I was getting better about that, why am I all jumpy again especially when I've never felt safer than in this house. Oh yeah, Stef's talking I should probably be trying to pay attention.

"... the lawyer in the morning to take care of this. That okay sweets?" Maybe I should have paid attention earlier. Lawyer? What do the need a lawyer for? Then it hits me, oh shit they're sending me away. I push off Lena faster than anyone expected and stumble into the wall. Stef gets up and starts walking towards me, I put up me arms hands and she stops. They both look at me wide eyed.

**Stef POV**

I don't know what set her off but she pushed off Lena with more force then I thought possible. She looks like a deer in headlights against the wall. I look over at Lena and she appears just as stunned as me. I tried walking closer to calm her down but her arms go up in defense. What just happened?

"Callie?" Lena asks softly, sliding closer to us from the bed.

"Liars." She whispered, I don't think she meant for us to hear but we did. What is she talking about?

"What did we lie about sweets?" I asked, I'm seriously confused now. I don't think we lied about anything.

"You told me you wouldn't be sending me away." She says, her voice cracks with the tears that never stopped. "you lied."

"we're not sending you away. Why would you think that love?" Lena asks sounding as confused as I feel.

"You just said you're calling the lawyer. Please just keep Jude okay? Its fine if you send me back to juvie but promise me you'll take care of Jude." Her eyes are pleading with us. She falls on the floor in a heap of tears reverting back to the heavy sobbing from earlier this evening. I can't help myself from rushing over and pulling the girl into my arms, her back is against my chest my arms tight around her. I just sit there rocking her and quietly sushing in her ear. She's trying to pull out of my grasp but I just hold on tighter, wrapping her against me so she can't move.

She starts to hyperventilate again and before I know it Lena is in front of us and takes Callies face into her hands. I hear her telling the broken girl to look into her eyes and directing her how to breathe again. I refuse to let go, and eventually she calms down enough that I know she can hear me again.

"We aren't letting you go anywhere. The lawyer is to help Sarah get out of that house and Liam off the streets." It's not lost on me that she stiffens at his name. "We're here to help and protect you. You are not going anywhere, okay? You are safe, you are okay, and you are not going anywhere. You're stuck with us kid." I say trying to lighten the mood a bit. Lena looks up at me and rolls her eyes which causes the still shaking but now quiet girl in my arms to release a snicker.

Lena looks back down at Callie. "You want to take a shower? Stef can wrap up your hand after. I'll make up something quick to eat, then we can all get some rest honey. I know its been a long day, we can talk tomorrow." She smiles sadly and I feel the head that's against my chest nod slightly.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Hi all! Sorry it has taken so long for me to post again. As some of you know I have been dealing with a family loss so I've been a bit distracted the last week and and half. But posting now, that's what matters, right? Thank you for sticking with the story, i appreciate you reading/following/reviewing. This is a bit of a slower and less intense chapter. Please let me know what you're thinking! Enjoy!**

**As always- I do not own The Fosters, all i own are these goldfish crackers...**

**Callie POV**

"You want to take a shower? Stef can wrap up your hand after. I'll make up something quick to eat, then we can all get some rest honey. I know its been a long day, we can talk tomorrow." Lena asks me, I can see the sadness in her eyes, I think given the chance she will start crying. I can't blame her though, given the chance I would start crying too. All I can do is nod seeing as I don't trust my words right now.

I feel Lena kiss my forehead and just bury further into Stef. Why did I say yes? I really don't want to move right now. I know I should, I'm all gross and sweaty. Why does that happen? The last thing someone needs when panicking is to get slimy too. Apparently I've been lost in thought for while because I feel Stef move against me. I hear a whimper and it takes a moment to realize it came from me.

"You're okay Callie. I'm here, I'm just going to help you get up okay?" She keeps shifting so now I'm on the floor and she's crouched in front of me. I shake my head no and my arms wrap around her and I'm holding as if she was a life raft and I'm going down with the Titanic. I think shes just as shocked as me because it takes a second before I feel her arms wrap around me. I really need to stop doing this, why does my stupid body keep betraying me and seeking comfort from these women.

Stef keeps me close in this embrace as she stands us up together and leads up to the bathroom. My legs are still weak and I lean into her as we walk. I really don't want her to move and i don't want her to let go. Ever. I have no idea how this standing thing is going to work to take a shower, apparently the same thought crosses Stefs mind as she places me on the toilet cover and runs a bath. I don't even care for that right now, all I want to do is sleep. Crying takes so much stupid energy. I just want to curl up on their bed, surrounded by their scent that makes me feel safe and sleep forever.

**Stef POV**

I can tell she hasn't mentally been with me the last few minutes, it does make it easier to move her but it also makes me worry. What could possibly being going through her head right now? Her eyes have been half glassed over for hours now. I'm honestly afraid that I won't be able to save her from whatever this is. It's like as soon as she told us she went into the past and got lost there.

I lead her to the bathroom to take a shower but she's barely standing with me holding her, so I decide a bath would be better. As a run the water I'm staring at Callie, it's like shes catatonic. Apparently, so am I as the feeling of water against my foot pulls me from my thoughts. I mumble out a few choice words, glad that Lena isn't there to correct me. Turning off the water and throwing down some towels I let some water down the drain until it is at a sufficient level.

Callie hasn't moved through any of this. I know this isn't going to be easy. "Callie" she stays still not responding. "Sweetie" I say a bit stronger this time, she slowly turns her head to look at me and I see tears threatening to fall. "Are you sure you want a bath right now?" She subtly nods. "We can wait until after we eat?" I watch as she slowly shakes her head. Other than these slight movements she has stayed absolutely still, I'm starting to wonder if she'll ever move on her own again. "Okay Lovebug, do you need help?" I know normally she would cringe at just the thought but right now she just stares at me, looking like she's going to shatter at any moment. A few tears escape her eyes and she meekly nods.

I help her get undressed and into the bath, keeping her covered as much as possible with a towel, i don't want her to be embarrassed if suddenly comes back to reality. She instantly curls into a ball as she sits, I help wash her hair and it reminds me of taking care of Brandon as a baby. I got up to let her finish herself and give her some time, I made sure she knew to just call if she needed anything, but I refused to go too far. I went to grab a towel for her and clothes from her room, got the first aid kit set up and just sat on the bed folding laundry and waiting. That's how Lena found me moments later.

**Lena POV**

I made sandwiches, figuring it would be light, and tried to be patient in the kitchen but I'm so worried about Callie and this whole situation just makes me sick. Fidgeting in the kitchen was doing no one good. I gave Brandon a quick call to see how they all were doing, they went to the movies which I think was a good distraction for everyone, even Jude was laughing. I let him know we'd keep them updated and gave Mike a call to see if he could make sure they all ate.

I walk up the stairs and see Stef on our bed surrounded by laundry and tears falling from her eyes. I enter silently, sit next to her and hold her. She hugs back fiercely, I'm the only one she ever lets see her this emotional and it still hurts every time. I love her and her pain is my pain. So I just hold her closer, whispering that it will be okay, because I sure as heck hope it will be. We all need it to be.

I don't know how long we were lost like that, finding comfort, safety and strength in the others arms. But we started to hear sobbing from the bathroom, I'm sure she was crying before but these forced sobs and her gasping for breath was getting worse by the second. We briefly looked at each other with fear evident on our faces and rush to the bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- Whoa! two updates in one day! What is this madness? haha. See, show me love and I love you in return! That and I also feel bad about it being so long before my last update. Just wondering, do y'all get annoyed that the physical time is passing slowly? I just don't want you all to think its dragging. I don't but i have a different view of everything being omnipresent in the stories universe. Without further ado, thanks for reading/following/reviewing, I appreciate you! Let me know what you're thinking! Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all I own is this sheet of bubble wrap. **

**Callie POV**

I love the feeling of Stef washing my hair. It reminds me of when my mom was alive. Its comforting and makes me feel more sad at the same time. If my mother never got in that car I wouldn't have gone through the system, I wouldn't be in this situation, but that wasn't the greatest house ever with an alcoholic father. But then I wouldn't have this, this unconditional love and people fighting for me, people that care about what happened, what will happen. These people who chose to love me when no one else did.

But what if they don't love me anymore? What if this is the final thing to push them over the edge and they'll just send me away now. They know I'm broken and volatile, they were just lying earlier. They're going to ship me away. I'm going loose Jude, my only steady point in the world, my epicenter, I know I'll always have him. But maybe now I won't? Of course they'll keep Jude, he deserves this family. I don't. I don't deserve the love and comfort they provide. The thoughts keep spiraling darker and darker. I can't catch my breath, I'm gasping for air and sobbing for all I never had and for all I think I have lost.

Like many times in the past day I am not fully aware of whats going on around me. Its more than just the dizziness that is threatening to take over, the black spots in my vision, I feel like I'm going to be sick. Why does oxygen just keep leaving me? I can't help it anymore as I at least turn my head and get sick onto the towels covering the floor. I start shaking now too, I think everything coming together and the water that cooled down awhile ago is all coming together against me. I know Stef said the universe isn't against me but right now it freaking feels like it.

**Stef POV**

I have no idea what to expect entering the bathroom, but it wasn't this. She is sitting in the water shaking, having only shifted from her spot slightly to get sick. Good thing I spilled the water, now I can just throw all those towels in the washer. I don't know what to do for her, everything just seems to be getting worse and I'm sure most of it is from some of what Callie told us earlier but we need a plan. I look to Lena and see she is thinking the same thing as she looks back. But for now I need to make sure my oldest daughter (we haven't decided anything permanent yet but I still feel she is mine, they both are) doesn't pass out in a pool of water.

I start to walk forward but Callie looks up like a deer in the headlights. I walk forward with my hands out to show he I'm not dangerous. I hear Lena talking softly as we walk forward, announcing our presence and trying to remind the poor girl to breathe. I kneel down to pick up the towels off the floor as I see Lena get into the bathtub, kneeling in the water she opens the drain then turns to face the shivering girl that looks so childlike right now. I'm in awe as I watch the beautiful woman I love move so smoothly as she repositions herself and Callie in the tub as the water continues to drain. She has Callie now curled up across her lap and is rocking the girl while whispering soothing words into her ear. I look up at Lena who is entirely focused on calming down the hyperventilating girl and get up to start these towels in the wash.

I return with a few new ones, Lena looks up at me and we have a silent conversation. Callie is breathing regular now but still lost inside herself as tears steam down her cheeks. I hand Lena a towel as I put one over Callie and lift her from Lena's arms, she's still shaking so much. I bring her into the bedroom and place her as gently as I could on the bed. Behind me I hear Lena entering the room and changing into dry clothes, she hows up beside me with one of my sweatshirts and her yoga pants in hand. It'll be easier to get her dressed into that than her own clothes at this point. I'm not sure at this point if the shaking is from fear, the cold water, crying, or not eating but no matter what caused it we need to get it under control. We work together to get her dressed as quickly and gently as possible then cover her with sheets. She whimpers as soon as she looses physical contact with us, Lena crawls in under the sheets and before shes even positioned herself Callie is attached like a Koala. It seems like she thinks if we aren't holding her we're going to disappear or she'll get stuck in her thoughts and not able to come back to the present. I'm honestly already worried about the later thought.

I wander back into the bathroom. It looks more like a war zone than a bathroom, but I guess that's exactly what this is. The damage from my babies internal battle physically present in my surroundings. There are still towels thrown across the floor, some sick I still had to clean, splatterings of water everywhere, and first aid supplies that had fallen from the sink to the floor. The clothes folded on the floor I had left from before were the calm to the storm. I don't have time for philosophical thinking right now, so I get to work cleaning up whatever I can and collecting the clean medical supplies so I can go take care of that beaten up hand.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- I swear this is the last chapter for now at least that has crossing over timelines, it will start moving faster soon. Everyone just has a different read and feel on the same situation so i felt the need to do that. Don't worry progress is finally being made and they will move quite a few steps forward. Thanks for sticking with the story, i hope you are still liking it. Please let me know what you are thinking. Enjoy.**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this bubble bath. **

**Callie POV**

It's not that I'm numb, that's at least still a feeling, more like my whole existence is a void. I felt the water shift and Lena whispering in my ear. For the life of me I have no idea what she was saying, but that didn't matter, her voice like this could sooth an army mid battle. I guess that's what she's doing, my mind is a battle ground. The thoughts of love versus the thoughts of despair. I'm not quite sure who's winning but the bad thoughts have quite the foothold, years of mapping out my mental territory have given it the home field advantage. The lack of sleep isn't helping either, since showing up at school I think I see Liam everywhere, most of all when i close my eyes.

I'm aware of moving, I can't find enough energy to care. I'm assuming I'm placed on their bed because as I'm laid on the soft surface and instantly overwhelmed with their scent on the pillows. I'm aware of them moving me, I feel warmer so I guess they're getting me dressed. I'm too indifferent to care at the actions, at least they're still there. Until I feel the covers being lifted over me, I suddenly feel so alone. Like the scared child I was when my mother died, the entire opposite to minutes ago when Stef was running her fingers through my hair. I can't help but to let out a whimper at the comparison and tears start to stain my cheeks. How am I not entirely dehydrated right now, how do I have any tears left? I can't loose anyone else I love. But maybe it's me, I seem to be the central point. Everyone I love gets hurt because I love them.

The bed shifts and I feel someone crawling in, before she's even fully under the covers I attach myself to who I'm guessing is Lena. I never want to let go, but I don't want her to get hurt. So just as quickly as I had grabbed her I pushed myself away, falling off the edge of the bed in the process. The impact hurt like hell, I could swear I just broke my butt as a sharp pain shoots up my spine. But I'm too overwhelmed for that right now, so I stumble backwards unable to actually get any balance. Until I land against the dresser, the handles pushing into my spine but I don't care. I need to get away before they get hurt because of me.

**Lena POV**

I have no idea what just happened, I'm too shocked at the roller coaster emotions to react. When I finally get my bearings shes halfway across the room pressed against the dresser. I look to Stef and she's just surprised as me. I face her wondering what we should do, her look in return clearly says 'you're the one with the child psych degree'. But it's different when it's my child, I have no clue how to handle her, I don't want to break her anymore. I just want to wrap her up in my arms as if she were the same age as the scared child she looks like now. What caused this reaction seemingly out of nowhere?

I want to get to her before she has another panic attack, she's falling apart at the seems tonight and I have no idea how to hold her together. Clearly she has never actually dealt with any feelings from the Liam incident or it wouldn't be hitting her this hard. I move slowly from the bed, giving my love a look to let her know to stay back. I think both of us heading towards her would be too much. I slowly make my way towards her, half crawling as to make sure I'm not intimidating her. I thank goodness for Ikea, if not the dresser would've broken from the force she's putting into it. As I get closer her eyes get wider as she looks up at me with fear.

"No. no. no. no." She starts mumbling repetitively and shakes her head. I need to stop myself from sighing in relief, at least now she's verbal again. Maybe we can get somewhere with this. I sit down where I am, a few feet ahead of her, and lean forward slightly to catch her eyes. "No what? Baby" I say just above a whisper, willing my voice to hold steady. She just keeps going with the mantra, as if she believes saying 'no' enough will change the course of the universe. I slide forward slightly, I'm close enough to reach out and touch her if I needed.

"Sweetheart. No what?" I say in the same voice, now I can tell as I'm looking in her eyes she's finally looking back. "Bad."Okay, one word answers, I can deal with that, it's at least an answer. "What's bad?" I see a flash of confusion, as if we should know the answer already. "Me" She says almost voiceless. Okay maybe one word answers are less helpful than I thought. "No. No, you do not get to say that love. You are not bad. None of this is your fault. The only one at fault is Liam." I at least know she hears me as she flinches when I say his name. My voice starts to crack as I keep going. "You are not bad, you could never be bad. You are so so good Callie. All you have done has been to survive and protect Jude. But right now you have us to protect you, okay? You're not alone anymore." I try to move forward a bit as I see the energy draining from her by the moment.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Thank you all for sticking with the story reading/following/reviewing. I appreciate you all! Here's the next chapter, some break through and conversations that need to be had are coming up soon but that doesn't mean all is happy. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all I own is bowl of dairy-free ice cream. **

**Stef POV**

"Can't" She says as Lena reaches out to envelope her in a hug. "You can't what?" I ask. "Love" she whispers. "What do you mean?" Lena asks giving a glance back to me we both look just as lost and confused as the other. "You know we love you right?" Lena asks as she turns back, Callie nods her head. "You can't love us Calliebug?" I chime in. The tears flow faster faster down Callie's face as she nods quickly. "P-p-p-pit stop" She hiccups out.

Hearing these words everything clicks and my face contorts to a scene of shock. I know Lena feels the same as my sentiment is reflected in her features. So that's it, she won't let us take care of her because she thinks she's going to be sent away. I thought we went over this in the bathroom but I expect she wasn't calm enough to be really listening. Apparently, she doesn't realize no matter where she lives, no matter what happens in the future she will always be our daughter. This is the last pit stop, but maybe it can be more than just be a pit stop. That's something I'll have to talk with my love about later. But right now I need to erase the two steps back Callie just took.

I never thought my heart could break this much for someone I haven't even known that long. I let the scene play out, Lena knows how to handle this much better than I do. So I watch. Lena stays still and catches Callies eyes again. "I need you to listen closely, okay? Are you listening?" I hear her say, I have absolute trust that she knows the right thing to say. I can't think of any words as the only thing I can think of is how my heart is breaking for this girl all over again. It takes what feels like ages but is probably only a minute until I see Callie's head nod. "We love you no matter what. You are ours. We want to love you. We want to help you. What happened was not your fault. You understand that right? That none of this was your fault?"

We don't get any response to this and I can't just sit back any more. My heart hurts for her. I can't believe she even holds a inkling of doubt that any of this could be her fault. I know there's guilt, I have deal with victims from work before, and I still can't understand how they can blame themselves. I'm not invalidating her feelings, but it just hurts to see someone who's already so broken also feel guilty about a situation they were not in control of. I walk forward as slowly as I dare, he head darts up at the movement and I see the fear and pain in her eyes. Her eyes have always given her away.

I sit down to her side and her eyes followed me the whole journey across the room. "Hi babies" I said with a sad smile. Callie looks like I imagine she would've the day she went in the system, broken and lost. I wish we had gotten her earlier so we could have protected them from all the bad things. Callie just looks at me, gripping her injured hand. Crap I forgot about that, I really need to look at it and get it cleaned up. "Honey, none of this is your fault and I'll repeat it until you believe it." She nods looking to the floor, I reach forward and lift her chin until there is no option but to look at me. "No. I need words right now. You understand this is not your fault?" She looks at me, opening and closing her mouth a few times until the words are processed. "Not" she takes a deep breath "my" she sighs and looks at me with her eyes pleading to not have to finish the sentence, but I just look back with love. "Fault" finishes with a whisper. I smile at her keeping contact with her eyes "Thank you love. We don't have to talk yet but I do need to see your hand okay?"

She slowly extends her injured hand to me to fix. Its a couple different colors now and slightly swollen, I really wish I had wrapped it up earlier. I try to move quickly before she changes her mind and takes it back. I get it cleaned, covered in antibiotic ointment, and wrapped in gauze. She's staring intently at her hand as I work on it. At least this concentration seems to have calmed her down. I think its time that we try to head downstairs and get some food into all of us while she seems to be cooperative and calm. Lena looks at me and we think the same thing as she says "Callie, honey, I made sandwiches. So lets go downstairs and eat something. It'll make you feel better."

**Callie POV**

Silently, I move my attention to Lena and try to give her an honest smile although I'm sure it falls short. I let them help me off the floor and lead me downstairs to the living room. Lena leads me to the couch and I immediately return to the safety of curling into a ball. She sits next to me and doesn't say anything but I see her sigh from the corner of my eye. Stef goes and gets the food and water from the kitchen and returns, she sits down on the other side of me. We all pick at our sandwiches in an awkward silence.

Luckily Stef decides to turn on a movie, I appreciate that it's one I don't really have to pay attention to. Although I don't appreciate that the father dies in the beginning but most of the movies this company puts out starts with parental death. Lions singing and a whacky wise monkey lighten the tone though. I could do without getting it's a small world stuck in my head, when we first watched this at one of the foster houses Jude sang it over and over for almost a month after. It annoyed me but he seemed so happy I didn't want to ruin it, it seemed to distract him from the lack of food we were getting.

As the movie goes on I'm vaguely aware that I only nibbled on about half my sandwich, my thoughts seem to be distracting me too much lately. I place whats remaining on the coffee table and take a few sips of my water along with some tylenol Stef brought me. I never wanted to live in the present for years but was stuck being brought back to reality by pain in the moments. Now that I want to be present in this house filled with genuine caring I keep getting pulled away. All because Sarah showed up in my group, and Liam showed up at school, and Brandon convinced me to tell these women, and worst of all because I felt safe enough to believe him.

I find my eyelids fluttering, now that everything is calming down and the adrenaline is leaving it is so hard to keep my eyes open. They are rolling around my head and I cant really focus on the movie or the sounds coming from it. I am also drifting closer to Stef, I'm not aware of it until I feel my shoulder bump against hers as I'm falling over. I'm beyond tired, beyond exhausted. I'm surprised my body has enough energy to keep breathing at this point. I go to move away but her arm is around my shoulder pulling my closer. She brings her lips by my ears and whispers "You are safe. I have you. Just close your eyes and rest. It will be okay." I feel her kiss the top of my head and rest hers against mine. I long so much to believe her that I do as she says and close my eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- I can't believe i have 60 follows! Love you all! I appreciate you for reading/following/reviewing. I do have a bit of a warning for this chapter, the whole story deals with a difficult subject i feel the need for this warning. Callies POV comes with a Trigger Warning (I will add where it starts too) it doesn't say anything specific that happens but does spiral in Callie's thoughts through her nightmare. It was difficult for me to write as I understand too well so i imagine it can be difficult for some to read. Please stay safe. If you get the chance please review! Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this cold pizza.**

**Stef POV**

I could see Callie's eyes begging to close while her mind willed them to stay open. I'm glad she listened to me and finally closed her eyes and fell asleep. Clearly she's exhausted and I assume she hasn't slept for nights. She has been grumpy the last few days and I've been around her enough to know she gets grumpy and over emotional when she's tired. I'm emotionally exhausted too and I only had to hear her story and deal with the external emotions she presents. She always has so much going on in her mind and it seems to be in so much turmoil that she can't even find the words.

What kills me more than anything is she won't believe she's safe and won't let us in because she feels she's not permanent. With that thought I look over to Lena. She's smiling at me with adoration in her eyes. I smile back, it is so promising that Callie is letting me hold her as she sleeps. I glance down and the girl looks so innocent and calm, as if the last day hasn't even happened. I wish it hadn't happened, actually no I'm glad she told us and is letting us help her. I wish what happened to her never happened. I just want to protect her, I want to save her, I want to take away all her hurt just like I would with any other of my children. Because that's exactly what she is, my child.

I look back to Lena and see she is thinking the same thing. "Lena..." I start, keeping my voice low as to not wake Callie. "I know." She says in return before I can even vocalize the rest of my thought. "I just feel like they make our family complete." I say. "Me too" she smiles. "I wish we had gotten them before all this." I look down at the girl in my arms as I say this, and tuck a piece of hair behind her ears. "I do too, the system failed them so many times. But luckily they found their way into our home, into our hearts." Lena said, coming over and sitting on the coffee table in front of us. "I can't imagine our family without them now. Thank you for saying yes that day." I let her know. "Of course my love. Thank you for not getting too mad. You know she's so much like you, I think that she is biologically yours with some of her actions." I smirk as she says that. "I feel like that too sometimes. I think Jude is yours, he's your great little helper, he attached to you so quickly."

She smiled at me clearly thinking of some memory. "He is great, they both are amazing kids. But, we already have three kids, do we really have the room?" She says with some hesitation. "We can make the room" I say. She smiles at me and I smile back. These are the most genuine love filled smiles that we have shared all day, and although I never thought possible I am more in love with this woman than ever. "I love you." "I love you too." She stands and gives me a quick kiss as she heads into the kitchen to clean off our plates. None of us had eaten much.

It settles my heart to know that we agreed, that we can do this. We have to ask the other kids but they all seem to be getting along so I don't think they will say no. Then it's just calling Bill and going through that process of paper work, court dates, all of it. Its been so long since the twins I can barely remember how long it takes to go through everything. In the end when they are officially ours everything will be worth it. I am brought from my thoughts as Lena is standing in the doorway, the beautiful woman is standing with a smile on her face, she looks so much more relaxed now that we decided to keep these siblings. Callie starts stirring next to me.

**Callie POV (TW starts here)**

All Stef had to do is whisper in my ear, I felt so safe in her arms. I didn't even try to fight the urge to trust her. With her arm around me I could take on the world. I had fallen asleep right as my eyes closed. I was so exhausted I felt like I could sleep forever. I wanted to sleep forever safe in the Foster house. I know I would never be that lucky. Their family is not like mine, they're the lucky ones. I really wish we could stay with them forever, maybe then I could be lucky too. Jude deserves to be lucky, he deserves this family. He deserves better than me.

I don't know how long I was asleep for until the nightmares started. That's the funny thing about dreaming, time stops mattering when time matters most. I know logically I'm in the safety of Stef's arms, the strong arms that make me feel wanted if only for a second. But I'm not there in my mind, I'm back in the Olmstead household, the parents took Jude out to a movie. Liam encouraged them too. Of course he did.

Time is going in slow motion, I think that makes it worse. I know what is going to happen but there's nothing I can do about it. It just deepens the dread in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if I can get physically ill in my sleep, I guess we'll find out soon enough. He's too close too quickly. This feels too real. I'm telling him no, he's not listening. I feel him against me, his hands and mouth against my skin. It makes me feel so dirty and used.

I keep begging him not to do this, screaming. He just tells me to shut up there's no one around to hear me anyway. That I don't want to see him mad. I just keep crying and screaming against the hand that's over my mouth. It's hard to breathe. His hands everywhere. His body draped over mine. My senses are filled with his smell, it makes me want to vomit. Him taking from me things I'm not willing to give. I'm trying to fight back. It just hurts so much. Everything hurts so much. Please just let this stop. I can't do this. Please. I'm trying to fight but he's just too strong. Get off. Save me. No. I don't want this. Stop. I'm begging mommy. Please. Save me. I'll give you a kiss goodbye. Please mommy. I'll keep you home that night. Mommy. I'll be a good girl. It hurts. Save me.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- two steps forward and one step back. Don't worry she's not going to spiral back to the beginning, progress is progress no matter how slow it seems. Yes, the other kids are coming back soon too. I appreciate all you for reading, favouriting and/or following. Thank you for sticking with the story so long. I hope you like it! If you get the chance please tell me what you are thinking! Enjoy! **

**As Always- I do not own The Fosters all i own is this half eaten apple. **

**Lena POV**

I'm standing in the doorway looking at my beautiful wife and beautiful daughter. I can call her that now, my daughter. I can't help but to smile at the thought. Callie is starting to stir in her arms though, and my smile fades to creases of worry. Stef runs her hand through Callie's hair and she seems to calm again for a moment. "Love" I say "I know I can't save everyone but you can't blame me for wanting to try." She stares at me for a moment before responding "I know and that heart is why I love you.". "What? Not for my sexy body? Mama's still got it!" I quip. We both laugh then our attention turns back to our oldest daughter. Callie is anything but calm now. I can tell she's still asleep but she's starting to push against Stef and mumbling into her shoulder.

I swiftly rush to their side and Stef looks just as concerned as me. Callie is still half curled up on the couch but she is beginning to flail against Stef's side. "Love, we need to wake her up." I firmly whisper to Stef. "I know, but she looks like she hasn't slept for days. Can't we just calm her somehow?"Stef asks as we hear Callie mumble 'Liam stop'. "No, Stef. Wake her up. Now!" At this point Callie is getting more agitated and anxious in her sleep, the mumbling is louder though still half muffled in Stefs shoulder. We look to each other over Callies head as we hear what we think is 'I'll be good' and 'save me'.

She's sweaty and panting, her body is shaking again and tears streak her face. I'm getting more anxious as Callie is, she is pushing against Stef, kicking her legs and if I wasn't against her she would've been on the floor by now. Stef is trying to shake her shoulder a bit and talking in her ear, but it doesn't seem to be working. I am rubbing my hand on her back and start pleading in my mind that she'll wake up. I should be careful what I wish for. I hear a howling screech emitted from the girl as she shoots up and she can't catch her breath. Stef moves Callie onto her lap and wraps her arms around the shaking child whispering into her ear.

"Callie?" I whisper as to not startle her, but her head snaps towards me her eyes wide in panic. I can see the haze in her eyes as she's still not entirely in the present. I smile at her a scoot a little closer on the coffee table. "Honey, you need to breathe, okay? I need you to take a deep breath" She nods her head over-enthusiastically at me, I can see tears in her eyes that she's trying to not let escape. She still hasn't breathed, I don't know which worries me more, her gasping for air or holding her breath. It's like she is afraid to breathe. I never learned about this in school and I don't know how to fix it. I hate this feeling, that she's hurting so much and I can't fix it. I just want to fix it.

**Callie POV**

I know I'm sitting on Stef I feel her arms around me, I logically know I'm in the Foster house. But I can still feel him on me. I try to down out his words that are floating through my head with the ones Stef is whispering into my ear. Pay attention to her voice. She is safe. Then all of a sudden I hear my name. Jude? He's back from the movies. No! it's Lena. Thank all deities that may exist its Lena. Wait what is she doing here? Oh, right. Foster household.

She's telling me to breathe. Yes, yes, need to breathe. I nod vehemently, breathing is good. Wait, am I breathing? What the heck I'm falling apart at the seams. I did so well hiding and being the one that showed no emotion but right now all I want to do is hide and cry. Like their love is making up for the years without any and all the tears I've hidden over that time want to escape. Wait, where did this come from and why is everything getting blurry? Oh right, breathing. I don't mean to be holding my breath but the muscles won't move. My body must be taking cues from my mind which gave up on me a long time ago.

"Callie! Callie!" I hear Stef almost shouting in my ear, I'm not sure if she's getting louder each time or I'm just starting to pay attention. "Slugabug you're starting to scare us, please just breathe before you pass out. Please baby." I feel a hand, I'm assuming Lena's, slide under my shirt and start rubbing circles on my back. Apparently this is enough to start my basic functions back up as I gasp in a deep breath that burns my lungs. I'm taking heavy sighs more than normal breaths right now. I hear stef mumble "Thank goodness baby" from next to my ear.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as I hear a phone ringing, it must be Stefs I think as she shifts me on her lap enough to pull the phone out. She looks over my head to Lena and hands her the phone as she says "Brandon". "Okay, I'll tell them they can come home soon?" she inquires. I feel their eyes on me before they meet each others again. "Yes, but to bed, we can talk with them tomorrow." I stiffen in Stefs arms as Lena walks into the kitchen. I can feel my walls building back up by the second and it seems that Stef can too as she whispers in my ear that everything will be alright. Yeah for them, they can tell themselves that to make themselves feel better. Their family is different, they're the lucky ones, I don't live in a world where everything works out. Okay then, I have until tomorrow to leave before they send me back. I sure as hell am not going back to Juvie so I should start working on a plan of escape now. Right.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- Thank you all for reading/reviewing/following, i appreciate you all. Thanks for sticking with the story, i know her progress is slow but she's getting better. Also I know I changed to make it a school night but if you're still reading I figure you're used to me changing things. If you get the chance please leave a review and let me know what youre thinking. Enjoy.**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this half eaten bag of Doritos.**

**Lena POV**

"Hi B" I say into the phone. "Hey mama. How are things going there? I'm running out of ideas. We got ice cream after the movie but everyone's a bit tired." I cringed at the thought of them inhaling the frozen sugar mess but I know he's trying his best to help and I can't fault him for that. "Okay honey, that's fine. Thank you for looking out for everyone. You guys can head back here but please straight to bed. I'll talk to you all in the morning." "Of course, it's past bedtime on a school night." How could I forget it's a school night, I work at the school and I forgot it was a school night?! I know Callie's going to be staying home tomorrow but what about the rest of the kids. I don't like them taking time off but on the other hand I sent them out so late and kids need sleep. I need to talk with Stef.

"Thank you. Drive safely, you have my babies in that car. I love you." I say as I walk back to the room. "I love you too. See you soon." As I hang up I walk back towards the bedroom. Lately I don't feel confident entering rooms, I never seem to see what I expect. I pause to take a deep breath and push the door open. I'm starting to really hate surprises.

Callie is at her dresser throwing her clothes out on the floor. Stef is behind her and keeps picking the clothes up and putting them back in the drawer. If I wasn't so concerned I'd laugh at the sight. I didn't think I'd been gone for too long, what the heck happened? I walk a pace closer and Stef looks up catching the movement. I mouth 'what happened?' and she mouths back 'no idea.' as she shakes her head. As they keep moving I watch for a moment and see Callie is getting more and more agitated by the moment.

"Callie." I state, I can't tell if she's just ignoring me or can't hear me. "I tried that." Stef mumbled. I couldn't help but give her a 'really?!' look. Seriously, the last thing I need right now is attitude from her too. "Callie." I say again as I walk closer. She still isn't responsive, anything I do at this point will probably scare her. She still doesn't seem to register my presence. Her movements and breathing are faster than than moments ago when I entered the room. I don't really want to find out what's going to happen if it gets worse. I'm standing behind her by this point and wrap my arms around her, bringing her arms to her side and inhibiting her movements. It's still clearly hard for her to recognize my presence as her arms attempt to reach forward to get more clothes a few times.

As it seems to hit her that she can't freely move anymore her hands grasp at my arms, she starts trying to wriggle out of my grasp. Thank goodness for having Jesus as a child, before we got him properly diagnosed and on medication he was quite wriggly. The anxious girl in my arms starts begging for me to let her go. My arms just grasp around her tighter and I whisper in her ear that she's safe, she needs to breathe and I can't let her go until she calms down. I'm thrown off when her legs give way and almost take us both to the ground. Thank goodness for Stef who catches us as we slowly lower the girl to the ground.

**Callie POV**

Clothes, must get things packed. Why are there so many clothes? Didn't I already take these out? I don't have this much stuff. I should just go without anything. It's not like I need it but it's all I have. I always take this when I get sent away. So many clothes, is this the never ending drawer? Why do I have so many things here? They got me things, things I don't deserve. That's why they're sending me back, they realize I don't deserve them. They're right, I don't. I don't deserve their love, their respect, their care.

Why aren't my arms moving? I have more clothes to take out. Must get the clothes so I can leave. Must leave now. Can't waste time. Stupid arms. Why aren't mine moving. Wait? Whose arms are those? No, you don't get it, you have to let me go. It's better this way. Let me go. I need to leave before they send me back. I won't survive it this time. This house broke me too much. That's what I get for trusting someone. You made me weak and now you're making it worse. Please just leave me alone. Let me go! LET ME GO NOW!

Oh, there are those white spots again. I should start naming them with how often I'm seeing them lately. I hear something by my ear, it sounds nice. Wonder what it is. Air shouldn't burn but breathing hurts and I feel like I'm inhaling fire. My breaths are hitching and I don't know why. My legs are wobbly too. Let's sit down. Yes, sitting. That should help. Oh arms. They're still there. Guess we're all going down. I feel the arms around me, there are more arms. Hmm, where am I? It's like a safe little warm cave.

Why am I here? Actually, better yet, where is here. It doesn't matter, I guess. As long as I can stay here forever. I don't feel sad here. There's that sound next to me again. I know that sound, it sounds so familiar. Oh, it's a voice. Okay. Hmm, lets play a guessing game. Female voice. I don't know to many women. Mom? No, she left me. Things got dark and I got hurt when she left me. I can barely remember the sound of her voice anymore anyway. Stef? No, not her. I'd know her voice anywhere, it reminds me of my moms. Whose then? Lena! It sounds like Lena. I like her, she's pretty and nice. Her voice makes me happy. Now what is she saying?

"You're safe. I've got you." Duh, that's the arms around me. As my senses start to get focused on the present I recognize she's right. I feel her and Stefs arms around me, and I smell the coconut shampoo she uses. I try to bury myself deeper into the scent and her arms tighten. "You're okay love." I can't help the tears that escape at the use of a pet name, as if I am one of her kids. "You're not going anywhere, okay? We won't let that happen." Hearing those words the glass shatters and the moment is ruined as I'm thrown back into reality. They are though. Bill will take me away.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Not sure I'll get the chance to get online with my computer tomorrow so you get the Friday update early. Thank you all for sticking with the story and reading, following and/or reviewing. I love and appreciate you all. Here's the next chapter, mostly Stef/Jude. I know it's usually Lena/Jude but that's kinda why i mixed it up. Just like Lena/Callie last chapter. Hope you like it. If you get a chance please leave a review and share your thoughts! Enjoy!**

**As Always- I don't own The Fosters, all I own is cup of coffee. mmmm coffee. **

**Stef POV:**

Callie has been buried into Lena for awhile. Lena has been whispering in her ear and rocking her. I have been holding both my girl in my arms. Lenas and my tears have halted if only for the moment. Although she is quiet the shaking girl indicates she's still crying. We're there for what seems like ages when we hear the front door click. I look up and see that Lena heard it too. It appears that the crying girl is too lost in her own world to hear it. I get up and make my way downstairs, quickly fixing myself in the mirror on the way.

"Hey guys" I say walking down the stairs. The kids look exhausted, I didn't realize how late at night it actually got. "Have a good time?" they all mumbled some form of yes slightly nodding. They all looked exhausted, Mariana didn't even go on her usual rant about the hot actors and poor fashion choices. "Go to sleep babies, we'll talk tomorrow." I kissed all the kids on the forehead as they walked past. Jude had lagged behind.

"What is wrong with Callie?" Jude asks innocently. I take a deep breath and sit down at the bottom of the stairs patting the area next to me. He joined me sitting so close that our legs were flush. "She's hurting, she's dealing with a lot of things that she didn't get the chance to before." I pause and watch him process the words before continuing. "In all those houses where you guys got hurt and were scared she pushed her feelings aside to make sure you both were as safe as possible." Jude interrupted "She gave up a lot for me, I know. I never told her thank you. But I know she used herself as a shield. It's my fault she's hurting now, isn't it?" He ended in a whisper, his voice cracking.

"No! No it is not! The only people at fault are the people who hurt you guys! It's not your fault, yes?" How can they feel so guilty about another persons actions? They must have been told it was their fault enough times to believe it was true. I will spend the rest of my life telling them that it's not their fault if that's what it takes for them to finally believe it. He gives a slight nod but it's not convincing either of us. "Words please." "It's not our fault." He mumbles. "Good. It never was no matter who told you otherwise. But as for now, now that she knows she's safe she's trying to process everything that has happened and it can be hard. And its making her re-feel some of the hurt but we're going to get her through it. We're going to show both of you that you are safe here. You both are worth so much more than your past. Mama and I are here to help her and she'll be fine. She just needs some time. Okay?"

I can see him thinking and am trying not to push. "Okay. I trust you" He almost whispered. I couldn't help but release a small smile at his words. With all they've been through there is no way they can trust easily. "Thank you baby. I promise we'll help her any way we can." He looks up at me with his eyes glistening with tears. "I know you will. You love us, you're the first people since our mom that cared. We love you too. We may not say it and we haven't known you for long but we do. You saved us."

I couldn't help the tears that escaped as I wrapped my arms tightly around him. "I love you too. You know you can always come to us if you need anything, yes? To talk or for a hug or anything." He quickly responds with a nod and "Yes, thank you." I am so glad that Lena and I talked abut keeping the kids earlier. This just cemented it. I do have to get back to Lena and see how her and Callie are doing. "Okay buddy. It's late. Let's get you off to bed." Jude nods and stands up, I follow him up the stairs stopping before his door to give him a hug. I head back over to the girls room. Oh crap, I sent Mariana up forgetting about Lena and Callie being in that room. I knock and slowly push the door open, Lena is still on the floor holding Callie in her arms.

"I sent Mariana to our room. I'll sleep in there with her tonight if you want to take this sleeping beauty?" I stride across the floor and lower myself to pick up the tired girl, she stirs a little as I place her on her bed but doesn't wake up. I return to my wife and we just stand there holding each other close, gaining strength from from the embrace. We stay this way until Callie starts moving looking for some sort of human contact to help her feel safe again. We whisper I love you's and share a quick kiss. As I watch my love walk out the room I crawl onto Callies bed and she immediately wraps herself into my side. The day is catching up with us quickly and I feel exhausted. I close my eyes and hope that we can all get some sleep tonight. Well, technically it's already early morning.

**Callie POV**

I'm not sure how long I've been asleep for but the sun is out. I feel like I have a hangover and got run over by a bus last night. I groan and try to stretch when I realize I'm in Stefs arms. She's still asleep so I stop moving in hopes to not wake her. What is she doing here? Then memories from last night rush into my head. I always hate that feeling, when you first wake up and everything's alright then the brigade of bad thoughts comes charging in and taking over.

Stef's arms tighten around me for a moment as she plants a kiss on my forehead. Apparently I didn't stop moving soon enough. Must be cop instincts or something. "Good morning sweets. How are you feeling?" I just shrug a shoulder in response. She sighs in response. I didn't even say anything how could I have said something wrong? "Words please. It's not a trick question." I take a deep breath trying to think how to put this mess of jumbled thoughts and feelings into words. "Hurts" I mumble. I know she doesn't appreciate the mumbling but she doesn't reprimand me for it.

"What hurts?" I don't respond. Everything would be too vague for her liking so I remain silent instead. I don't want her to get mad and leave. I just want to feel loved. Please just for a moment before it all hits the fan, like always happens in my life. I just want her to hold me, I just want to feel safe. I know it's selfish, but I can't help it. Finally someone seems to give a crap so I'm going to take advantage before it's pulled out from under me. I'll need to take enough love to live on when I'm back in that cold cell all alone. So I'm soaking it up while I can while she still thinks she loves me. It makes me miss my mom, but at this point the overwhelming acceptance trumps the sadness of the past.

She waits a moment before realizing she won't get anywhere with me talking. Words get stuck in my throat before I can even attempt to speak them so for now I've given up trying. "How about I get you something to help with the pain?" I shake my head no, damn that makes it hurt even more. I wince and just hold her tighter. I can feel her laugh slightly. "Okay baby, I'm not going anywhere." She plants three quick kisses on my forehead and repositions us to a more comfortable way. Soon we both fall back to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry, I don't do thirteens. uploading chapter fourteen right now though.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- Thank you for reading/writing/reviewing! I love you all. I know, for shame I'm a day late and this is a short chapter but school started again. I'm hoping to stick to my regular MF update schedule but please be patient if I'm off. This is a bit of a quiet chapter setting up things. If you get the chance please let me know your thoughts, i quite appreciate reviews. Enjoy**

**As Always- I don't own The Fosters all i own is this advanced pathopharmacology textbook**

**Lena POV**

The night with Mariana went smoothly other than a few elbows making contact with my ribs. I woke up on occasion when this happened and worried about what was going on in the adjacent room until I dozed back off. I never heard any loud bangs or voices so I take that as a good sign. But now it's time to get up and get the household functioning.

I got the kids ready this morning for school in an attempt to let Stef and Callie sleep a little longer. I can tell the kids are worried but I really didn't want to explain everything on my own. I tried to tell them that we would talk later but postponing it is making everyone more anxious. Especially Jude. I try to take him aside and talk to him but his mind was so clouded I'm sure he didn't even hear my words. He's gone quiet, hasn't said a word this morning, his only responses were nods and shrugs. I wanted nothing more than to hold him and reassure him but he pulled away from me grabbing his backpack and walking to his siblings by the front door. My heart keeps cracking for these children.

I'm cleaning up the kitchen as my phone rings. Its the lawyer we called last night, friend of the family. He proceeds to explain what information he needs and we set up a time for him to come over later today. When he proceeds to tell me what he thinks will happen and the faults of the justice system. I can't help but to get mad. They've been through so much and then there's still not a high chance of justice for the girl. We'll see what happens when he comes over later.

I go about making coffee and cleaning up the kitchen. As I'm wiping to counters I notice it just became noon. I was so caught up in worrying for my children, all of them, that time seems to have passed without my knowledge. I grab Stef's blue mug and mix her coffee. I venture up the stairs and hope that what I find behind the door to my daughters bedroom is not the same kind of surprises I've had lately.

**Stef POV**

I can feel Callie starting to move a few times in my arms but she settles back into my side fairly easily. I can't quite turn to see the clock without disrupting the sleeping girl, so I have no idea what time it is when Lena enters the room moments later. She walks in carrying a cup of coffee, passing it to me as I adjust on the bed. Lena leans in and kisses both our foreheads before sitting on Marianas bed as I lift the coffee to my mouth. I have never loved her more than when the hot liquid she brought touched my lips. By now she knows exactly the ratio of coffee, cream and sugar yet it still amazes me every day. There's no better taste in the world than the first sip of morning coffee. I sigh content and hear my love giggle at me.

"What?" I ask incredulously. "Nothing, you just do that every morning. Its cute." She smiles at me and I can't help but to laugh in response. "Cute? Really? That's the word you're choosing to describe me?" "Mmhmm. Cute." "You're taking advantage of the fact I can't move right now aren't you?" I ask with a wink. "Maybe" She says with a laugh. "Whatever will I do with you Miss Adams?" I hear a mumbling from beside me "Whatever you do not around me."

"Good morning sweets." I say planting a kiss on her forehead. "Actually, it's good afternoon. Only barely though." I get corrected by the woman now walking towards me. Wow, I didn't think we had fallen back asleep for long. We all needed some rest. Hopefully it'll make for an easier day today. Lena joined us on the small bed as we reorganized our bodies. "So if its afternoon whats our plan for the day?" I inquire. My memory for keeping track of the kids isn't as good as hers. Aren't we supposed to talk to them today?

"Well, the other kids are at school. So it's just you and moms honey." Lena says as she places her hand on Callies knee. The girl flinches under the contact but tries to down play it and stretch. "Great" Callie mumbles as she rolls her eyes, releasing a yawn. "I heard that. Be careful of your attitude." I whisper in her ear. She looks up at me and I can tell she's itching to say something but bites her tongue.

Lena breaks the stare down. "How about we get breakfast, uh, lunch then can figure out our schedule? We'll let mom take a shower first?" She knows I need some time alone, and I appreciate that. "What I smell?" I over exaggerate in an attempt to lighten the mood. Lena rolls her eyes and I hear a small chuckle from Callie. I go to head out the door, appreciating how smoothly we swap off yet still don't leave the fragile girl to her own devices.

I look back and see them curled up on the bed, Callie is already half asleep with her head against Lena's shoulder and her eyes fluttering shut again. While Lena is running her fingers through the girls hair. There has to be something more going on if she's still this tired. I know we woke up every few hours but still this is worrying me. "Love you" I say as I shut the door behind me.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- Thank you for sticking with the story! I appreciate you! We're getting into the crossover with actual episodes soon. Which means this story is coming to an end soon. (There may be a sequel coming after.) It's Fosters hiatus now- how sad, but last episode was good. Hope you're still enjoying. If you get the chance please leave me a review! They mean a lot and keep me writing. Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters all I own is this empty coffee cup. (need to go make more apparently)**

**Lena POV**

Stef left for the shower, Callie and I just stayed laying on the bed. I think we were all tired after the last days events. There's still a lot of questions to be asked and answered, but right now I'm content having my daughter in my arms. We still have to tell the kids we're adopting them. At least now Stef and I are on the same page for now, the fighting about the birth control seems so insignificant in retrospect. My phone buzzes and I glance down, it's Gretchen making sure dinner is still on for tomorrow.

Maybe I should just cancel. The twins have been acting weird lately and Brandon has his class with his new piano teacher. They are all quite stressed, maybe it should just be a home night, we can play boardgames or watch a movie. I don't think we can leave Callie home alone for a few hours. I know she didn't mean to hurt her hand on the mirror but if she gets that overwhelming of emotions again I'm not sure what she'll do. It's like my family is falling apart and I just want to fix everything but I can't. Especially when I don't know what's wrong.

But I respond that for now we are still on and I'll let her know if anything comes up. Translation I'll tell Stef about my concerns and we'll see where she stands. With this whole birth control pill thing I think we both are realizing how important communication really is. I am making an effort to include her, I just hope she's doing the same. I think it would be good to have a test day if things go well where Callie will go back to school, I will be there and cal always take her home early if we need. But first we need to see how today goes.

We were laying there resting until we heard the water turn off. I tried waking the girl beside me. It took a few attempts to arouse the lethargic girl. She stirs but never fully wakes up, her eyes are still half glossed and she doesn't seem to be finding her words. I can see the clouds of her mind when I look at her. Its weird that she seems so out of it, especially since she didn't seem to have too bad of a night. "Callie, baby, we need to get some food in you, okay? Lets go downstairs and make some lunch." I say while moving us off the bed.

She hesitates but stands next to me, she's swaying so I wrap my arm around her and take part of her weight. She's still not really standing of her own accord but we can work with this. He head is lulled on my shoulder. We head slowly towards the door her feet shuffling across the floor. We're making progress but I'm concerned about her exhaustion. Maybe it'll be just her blood sugar being off, I don't remember the last time we got real food into her.

In the hallway the girl was slumping down my side. I was grateful as Stef walked out of our bedroom. I nodded to the girl and she took to the other side of Callie bearing some weight herself. We have a half quiet conversation over her head, she says from what she knows Callie slept fairly well. Headed to the bathroom at around 4 am but fell back asleep right after, minimal nightmares. She seems concerned about the girl as well.

The longer we hold the girl up it feels as if gravity is pulling her further down. The conversation can continue downstairs where we're all comfortable and hopefully food would make a difference. We make the way down the stairs only stumbling once but catching ourselves before we fall. I place both my girls down on the couch and head to the kitchen making sandwiches and getting some juice. I'm hoping its as simple as an electrolyte imbalance.

**Callie POV**

I don't know why I'm so fuzzy today. I took something to help me sleep early this morning from moms bathroom. I'm not too sure what it was but it said for pain and I think emotional pain counts. I just wanted to sleep. I think it was from when one of the other kids had their appendix removed and didn't use all the pain medications. You're supposed to dispose of any remaining medications but that doesn't mean that people do. So instead I took two, that what you take of everything right, two? I hope so.

I just want to sleep. The pills helped a lot, but I still had nightmares and woke up in a sweaty panic a few times. I'm beyond exhausted. It's just been getting worse but I don't want to admit what I did. So I'm just trying to go through the motions, but the motions are so difficult. My feet are weighed down by lead and my head filled with cement. At least when I am fuzzy the dark thoughts can't make their way through.

I just want to sleep. Is that too much to ask? Just to sleep and not have to worry about seeing Liam. Not have to worry about the bad thoughts staining my mind black, swirling like a fog across my consciousness. Not have to worry about being a disappointment. Not have to worry about the pain, the fear, the brokeness, the sadness and the darkness. Just sleep. Why can't it be that simple? But it isn't, it never was. There's always the dark spot even on the brightest days.

I have no idea how we ended on the couch but Stef is warm so I'm just going to lay against her and close my eyes. Yeah, that's a good idea. Sleep. Maybe it'll work this time. My lungs are heavy and breathing takes quite a lot of energy. I'm too tired for this. A little rest will fix everything, right? Just relax into her arms and everything will be okay. It always feels like everything will be okay when I'm in my moms arms. Wait, which mom am I even thinking of? My real one or these ones that love me just as much. This is getting to complicated and the dark is calling again. Goodnight.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N- Thank you for reading, I appreciate you! This whole chapter is Stef POV because the chapter got too long and had to split it. Remember this story ends where the next episode begins, I have most of it worked out but need to type it up. I also have an outline written for a possible sequel. If you get the chance please leave a review, i love to know what you're thinking. Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters all i own is this cup of pumpkin flavoured coffee.**

**Stef POV**

The child to my side is quickly back to sleep, her breathing slow and even. On the verge of being considered shallow. Lens is off putting together food in the kitchen. I'm quite worried about the girl. I'm really hoping its just a blood sugar issue, I don't remember the last time she ate.

I want to see if she'll respond and find out what exactly is going on, the cop in me wants to investigate, so I gently shake her shoulder. "Callie, love, I need you to wake up for me." She groans and slowly opens her eyes, then Slam them shut at the light. They flutter open again, adjusting to the room, and looks towards me. It's not quite at me as her eyes are still glossy and unfocused.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, knowing full well it can't be that great. All I get in response is a grunt. "No, sweets. Words, remember? You're not alone but I can't help if I don't know what's going on. You have to use your words." She looks intently at me, trying to process what I just told her. Her mouth opens and she slurs "dizzy tired." "Okay baby, when did you start feeling this tired? You seemed okay yesterday." I ask while running my fingers through her hair. I keep my voice calm, happy that she's not fighting me right now.

"Just wanted sleep." She barely slurs out as her head lulls back onto my shoulder. I grasp her chin and try to keep the panic out of my voice. "What does that mean? What did you do?". She just looks at me for a moment before looking anywhere but my eyes. "Sleep. Pills. Sleep." Shit. Wait, we don't have any sleeping pills. So what the heck did she take? She must have gotten it in the bathroom this morning, the only time she was out of my sight. We only have minimal medications left in there anyway. We're going to have a long long talk about this later.

"What did you take?" She just shrugs her shoulders in response. I respond sternly. "No Honey. This is very important. What did they look like?" The slurring of her words is making it hard to understand but I make out 'white' 'small' and 'circle'. I wrack my brain to figure out what we have with that description. Then it clicks. Crap. "How many? How many did you take Callie?" She sing songs "twwwwooooo" holding out the word like a small child would. Okay, so maybe it's not too bad?

I remember at the academy there was someone who had an accidental overdose where he just forgot he took a medication and took another dosage, causing his body to react similarly. I know Lena probably wants to be responsible and take her to the hospital but I just want to fix this, now. If we take her in too they can take her and her brother away. We had helped the kid at the academy there too so he wouldn't get in trouble, we called someones friend, a doctor I think, and he told us how to flush out his system. It's worth a shot.

"Lena!" I yell out, my voice cracking at the end. She comes rushing in "Yes, love, whats wrong?" She asks, alarmed by my voice. "I need a few glasses of watered down juice. Right now please." Her face scrunches in confusion, I would smile at how cute she looks doing this if I wasn't so concerned about my daughter. "Okay?" She half asks. "Our dear Callie here took some of our medications to help her sleep, it seems she took one too many and is having a bit of a strong reaction. I want to see if we can flush it out of her. Orange juice would be perfect." Lena nods and goes to turn away, stopping and looking back for a moment "We're going to talk about this later." She states before heading back to the kitchen. "I know love" I call after her "But, right now, we need to fix this."

Moments later she returns with a pile of toast and eggs that she had finished right before I called her in. As well the tray had coffee for us and half a dozen glasses filled to the top with juice. I release a small chuckle as I comment "We only need half of those at the most." She looks at me "What? If it would work I'd make her drink the whole bathtub full." I can tell she is trying to be calm but clearly worried about the chance that this won't work. Even more so at the fact this kid overdosed, even unintentionally.

I am too, to be honest. If we take her to the hospital for this there's a chance that she could be taken before we even tell her we want her. All foster homes are supposed to have medications locked up, and we usually do. It was one simple mistake we forgot to close the lock. One mistake that could cost an innocent girl so much. We could also loose our license to foster and both these wonderful kids. I can't think that right now. I need to try and fix this. I need to fix my family.

"Love. Come on, I need you to sit back up for me." I encourage as I maneuver our bodies so that she's at least sitting up straighter. Although, most of her weight is still leaning against me. "I know you want to sleep, but I need you to drink this first." I pass her a glass. Even with two hands its slipping so I rest my palm against the bottom of the glass, helping her to raise the juice to her lips. She drinks what could barely constitute a sip. Her hands try to bring the glass back down but I hold it in place. "Sorry, I know you don't want to, but you have to drink more. This whole glass at least." She turns her head to look up at me, tears start escaping her eyes, tracking down her cheeks. Her eyes are pleading and my heart is breaking.

"It's okay. I'll let you sleep once you finish this. It's very, very important." I say as soothingly as I can. She takes one more sip and tries to move the glass again. Closing her eyes in the process. "Baby, one more warning. I'm going to be honest, like we all have to be with each other, yes?" She gives a subtle nod and opens her eyes to look at me again. "If you don't drink this, I'm going to take you to the hospital right now. I know that I don't want that to happen. I don't think you do either."

As we lift the glass back to her mouth she chokes with the speed she attempts to down the glass in. One and a half glasses later I can tell we won't get anymore into her. But, I think what we did get into her should be enough to see if this will work. But now we wait. I hate waiting.

**SPECIAL A/N- I DO NOT ENCOURAGE HOME TREATMENT OF OD. I AM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL AND UNDERSTAND SITUATIONS AND HOW SOME CAN BE HANDLED DIFFERENTLY DEPENDING ON THE MEDICATION AND ROUTE. STEF IS STUPID AND WORRIED AND MAKING POOR DECISIONS IN CARING FOR CALLIE AT HOME. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW OD'S GET THEM PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N- Thank you for sticking with the story, i appreciate you all! Shorter update today but was difficult me trying to figure out where to end chapters without it being weird. Stef's big speech is coming up next chapter and i just couldn't split that. If you get the chance please leave a review and leave me your thoughts. Enjoy!**

**As Always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this pumpkin.**

**Callie POV**

But. I don't want to drink it. I'm not thirsty. I just want to sleep. Why can't you leave me alone. I just want to be left alone. I feel whiny. But it'd be fine if you just left me alone. I can't help the tears swimming in my eyes. But why is she concerned? I see her mouth moving but my thoughts are too clouded to hear the words. I'm trying so hard to pay attention. I hear "...drink more..." but I don't want to. Maybe if I just take another sip it'll convince her. I take a small sip and close my eyes.

I try to push the glass away again, but she stops me. I glance over at Stef and all I see is concern and love swirling in her eyes. My tears are released and I make no effort to stop them. She's looking at me intently, as if waiting for a response. I don't have the slightest clue what she said so I just nod hoping its the right answer.

Then I hear the word "hospital" as she tries to lift the glass back to my mouth. Crap, that's never good. Why would she send me there? I don't want to find out though so I try to chug the rest of the cup. The semisweet liquid burns my dry throat and gets caught in my attempt to down the glass. I cough and sputter but seem to drink more. This juice never ends. Are you trying to drown me or something?

Finally! Finally she lets me stop drinking. I'm freely crying at this point and can feel myself shaking. I don't have the energy to hide my emotions. I can't catch my breath and hear voices whirl around my head and feel arms wrap around me. I hear whispering in my ear that it's okay, that I'm loved. I lay my head back down on her shoulder and close my eyes.

Next thing I know I hear moms talking, why can I think of them like that so easily. No! Bad mind! I'll deal with that later, right now I want to know what they say. Something about a discussion they needed to have. But they're discussing now? I have no idea. My head is a lot clearer but things don't make sense yet. I'm just going to lay here and relax in the tones of their voices.

Words don't matter. Words never matter. Anyone can take 26 letters and turn them into words, but to construe meaning from those words is foolish. It's only in actions you can see real meaning. The years of broken promises and broken bones proves that point. But here in this house they've only showed love even in things as simple as remembering what kind of ice cream I liked. Mint chocolate chip of course, but strawberry milkshakes. By freely wrapping her arms around me and placing light kisses on my temple. They keep showing they love me. Maybe I was wrong and they won't send me away.

With that thought I wrap my arms tighter around the body holding me up and reposition myself. Then I hear Lena's voice, it's then I smell her coconut shampoo and realize I'm laying on her now. "It's been almost a half hour, we should wake her. If it's worked its worked if not we need to get her checked out immediately. You know I don't like waiting when it comes to our kids health." Stef shifts next to me, my legs across her lap, apparently I'm laying across the couch. "I know, I do to. But I had to try."

I feel a hand on my shoulder and Lena gently shakes me awake. "Callie, love, can you wake up for me?" I groan as I move to sit up, I have quite the headache now, but am feeling more awake by light years. I don't know when they laid me down but I'm grateful as I don't have a kink in my neck added to what I can only imagine being comparable to a hangover.

They help me to sit up slowly and I rest against Lena as Stef makes a swift exit from the room when her phone rings. I have no idea what she's doing but I don't think twice about it. I know she'll come back. She always does. A soft voice pulls me from my thoughts "How are you feeling?" I don't know if words exist to express my feelings, but if there are I don't know what they are. So I just moan and stretch my joints.

As I relax back into the couch she lifts another full glass and tries to hand it to me. I make no attempt to grab it, just shake my head no. Please anything but juice. It will be too early if I never taste orange juice again in my life. I thought I was done crying but the threat of drinking more juice makes me start again as silent tears trace my face. "I know honey. But, it'll make you feel better. We want to make sure we flush out everything you took. You scared us and we just want to make sure you're okay."

I'm overwhelmed with guilt and drink most of the glass. As I pass it back to her she gives me a piece of toast which I eat quickly. I don't even know the last time I ate. The sweet jam and slightly dry edges are enough for me to think this is a gourmet meal. Stef returns as I finish the toast. She slides in on the other side of me. I look over at her offering a small sad smile. "You're looking better" She states giving me a smile in return as she squeezes my hand. From behind me I hear "She is. I think it's time we all had a talk." Shit.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N- Thank you for reading and sticking with the story. i appreciate you. So, it has come to this, Stefs big speech. Well, the first half of it anyway. The 'i love you' half and the 'but you made stupid choices' half is next. If you get the chance please leave a review and let me know what you think. Hope you have a great day (I know Fostersless Mondays are never as good). Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this slice of cold pizza.**

**Lena POV**

"She is. I think it's time we all have a talk." Callie's head whips around and eyes grow wide at my words. The color she just got back drained from her face again. She starts talking a mile a minute, voice raising in fear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to sleep. I'm sorry. I was just so tired. I didn't mean to steal. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" The tears are streaming down her face as she keeps apologizing hiccuping with the tears. It's quickly turned into hyperventilating. I wrap my arms quickly around her and slide her onto my lap, any other time she'd be arguing that she's too big for this. I know she feels safer this way, knowing for certain she's not alone. I start whispering in her ear that she's safe and teaching her how to breathe again. Stef runs and gets a cold face cloth placing on the back of the girls neck and kneeling in front of us.

"Love. Look at me please." Stef begged while her voice still whispered. Callie lifted her head and Stef was so close she had nowhere to look but her eyes. "I need you to listen to me right now, okay? Not just hear me but truly listen." Callie squirmed a bit in my arms but ultimately nodded. "Thank you baby. This is so important. Mama and I love you so much." I could feel the girl stiffen when Stef called me her mama but Callie didn't make an attempt to protest. My love must have realized this too as she continues with "I know. I know you're afraid to let us come close because you think we'll leave you. You think that this, this place, this love, this happiness, is only temporary. You're afraid to think of us as your moms too because its inevitable we will hurt you. That your heart can't stand that amount of pain. That this is the time it will actually kill you. I don't know everything you've been through, and I am so sorry for all of it, you never deserved that. But, what I do know is that in this house you are safe. In our hearts you are loved. In this life you matter. Everyone breaks sometimes and seeing the sun shine through the broken pieces makes the light look so much brighter. But we want to help you feel whole again. No matter what you are ours and we will do everything we can to protect you and remind you that you are loved."

The tears that have made my vision hazy are now released, washing my eyes for a clearer view of Stef and of the beauty of her soul. I feel Callie shaking against me as she cries as well. Stef has silent tears streaking her face as she continues. "You have been so brave, so strong, but now you have us. You're not alone, you don't have to be brave anymore, you have been long enough. It's okay to let us help you, you don't have to be strong all the time. You are going to have bad days, we all do, but that doesn't mean that it's a bad life. Never apologize for those days because you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling. There is a reason that caused it and we can talk through it. It doesn't mean you get to give in to the voices that say we'll throw you away, because my love you are not disposable, you are not worthless. Please let us love you, learn what it feels like to be loved. I know it's new and scary but we will help you though it. I regret a few things in my life" Stef releases a small laugh at a memory "but it's never been the things I have done, only the things I never did. That I talked myself out of or let someone else tell me was wrong. But it doesn't matter what other people think sweetie. All that matters is that it makes you happy. Please let us love you, let me prove you won't regret it. You are part of this family, you make us happy. And sometimes when you think no one is looking, I see you smile and know that you are happy too. That this family makes you happy too."

We all remain frozen. Afraid to move or breathe that the moment would shatter like the mirror the other night. The room is shrouded by silence, only occasionally broken by a sob or heavy sigh from the girl in my arms. All our tears start to dry and breath comes easier. Callie finally replies, her voice barely a whisper. "I don't know how to do this. How to let anyone in. You're right, it scares me. What scares me more than anything is what I'll do when I get taken away. When I get thrown back into another cold dark room after this. I think it will break me beyond anything else." Stef interrupts the girl. "No love, there is no when, there is no if. I will do anything I have to in order to keep you with our family. You belong with us." Callie nods and continues "I'm willing to try. For you I will try. I would do anything for this family, like I would do anything for Jude. I'm just glad that in this house I don't have to. I know we are safe here and I couldn't ask for anything more." Her voice drops to a whisper as she finishes, if I wasn't so close I wouldn't have heard it. "But, please don't leave me."

I just hug the girl tighter and with as much determination as I've ever had in my life say "Never." Stef gets us and sits next to us, we're all lost in an embrace and make no attempt to move. Maybe its a good thing she broke down so hard last night. If it makes us closer makes her trust us. I look to Stef and know what she's thinking. We need to ask the other kids about adopting Callie and Jude so we can tell them soon. So we can officially be their forever home. Then the moment is over. "We do need to talk about you stealing from us, taking medications that are not prescribed to you, and then trying to hide it from us. That is not okay."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N- You're still reading? Thank you! You're awesome and I appreciate you! Thanks for all the love! Please leave a review letting me know what you think if you get the chance (or twitter me fayth1231 as most already know). I love hearing what you're thinking and it keeps me motivated. So, this is the other part of the speech, back towards angst and anger a bit. I know the last few chapters have been lovey but they have to be in a better place as this is coming to an end somewhat soon. Love you, have a good weekend. Enjoy! **

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, I only own the tears in my coffee hiatus causes.**

**Stef POV**

"But we do need to talk about you stealing from us, taking medications that are not prescribed to you, and then trying to hide it from us. That is not okay." Callie lowered her gaze and tried to wriggle off of Lena's lap. She let her but Callie doesn't get far trapped between her moms. Lena starts. "Honey, this is very important and very serious. I know you're tired but you need to come to us when you feel like that. You need to talk to us." Callies head is dropped as low as she can as I cut in "Do you understand what could have happened? What if you were allergic to it and we didn't know what you took? What if you took way too much and we couldn't help you? What if I didn't know to flush your system? What if you died? This is serious and so so bad."

I hear a mumbled "I know." For some reason this just makes me angrier at the situation. I try to keep my voice calm and I slip into cop mode. I move over to sitting on the coffee table giving the girl not much option to look away. My eyes and voice harden as I stare intently into the girls eyes. "No! Clearly you do not understand. If you knew the consequences you wouldn't have taken those actions. There were options! There are always options and if you don't see them yourself you need to come talk to us. I would prefer you talk to us anyway but you need to understand this is not okay. That is so far far from okay that it's not even in the same ball park. There are so many things that could have gone badly! Not only that why didn't you come to one of us? I ask if you're alright all the time! Why did you never say anything was wrong? I only get mumbles and shrugs and 'fines'."

My voice is still stern but starts cracking with the tears that are starting to form in my eyes, I just think of the fear of loosing her. "This is not okay! Letting yourself cry is fine. Sometimes we need to wash away what caused the fears with tears but bottling it up behind a mask is not. Then you break then things break then we end up in this spiral! You can not do this alone. I don't care if I'm the bad guy. That's okay. But, I am not going to sit back and let you kill yourself, accidentally or otherwise. I am your mom. It may not be written on papers but the moment you stepped foot in this house that's what I became. I will never try to replace your mother and I will always be grateful for the two amazing children she made. But right now I am your mom. That means that I care, that means you can tell me anything, that means that even if you don't like it I will be breathing down your neck when I feel you're not okay. Right now you're not okay so you better get used to having a shadow pretty darn quick." I feel Lena place a hand on the low of my back reminding me to breathe and calm down.

I stop and close my eyes, taking a deep breath and relishing in the calm that the dark behind my eyes provides. I can feel the calm, all my cells taking a second to slow down. I feel bad about snapping but she doesn't know how bad this could have turned out and I can't stand that thought of loosing a child. My child. I open my eyes to realize all of us are quietly crying again. I see shame and fear in Callies eyes, she is trying to look down but I'm still close enough she doesn't have a choice but for our eyes to meet. "I'm sorry Callie. I didn't mean to scare you but I need you to know how dangerous this was." I plead with my voice, I'm sure my eyes show the fear I feel in my heart as well. There's a broken whisper in response "I'm sorry. I won't do it again." "You better not" I say with a smirk, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

I look towards Lena for some help as I sit back slightly to give more space for us all. My love understands kids better than me, she's calmer too. Callie needs some repercussions for her actions and I trust Lena to figure out what would be appropriate. I'm clearly still too emotional to make any decisions, we try to never discipline when angry. However there's no chance to leave the girl alone and talk about it like we normally would. "Honey, this was dangerous and scary for all of us." Lena starts gently, catching the girls gaze. "I want to make it very clear we are not punishing you for your feelings, we will never do that. However, we can and will provide punishment for improper actions. You always have a right to feel whatever you are feeling, it's never wrong. But we need you to come to us about it. It is concerning that you even thought this was an option."

Lena continues. "I think it would be helpful if you started going to individual sessions with Dr Kodema. We can set it up before or after group so you don't even have to tell the others if you don't want to. But, you are going to do them and for awhile then we can reevaluate if it's helping. As well, on Sunday nights mom, you and I are all going to talk. It can be about anything or everything or nothing but we need to work on communicating. We need you too feel comfortable talking with us so you will come to us next time you are feeling anything, especially at such an overwhelming rate. Okay?" Although she ends on a question I can tell Callie sees there is no room for discussion. So she just sits quietly with a look of disdain boring a hole into the coffee table with her stare. I sigh. "Words love." Her head snaps back up to look at me our eyes easily meeting in the staring match of the century. If looks could kill the daggers from her eyes would've killed me on the spot. I just raise my eyebrows and wait. I invented the stubbornness game.

What feels like forever and yet like no time has passed Lena breaks the uncomfortable silence. We clearly won't be getting anywhere with that part of the talk. "We are going to all sit down again tonight to talk when everyone is calm. For now, schools out soon and the others should be coming home. You okay with all the kids around? We want to let them know that you are going to be alright. They've been concerned." I can see the guilt and fear settle in her widening eyes again.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N- Thanks for stinking with this! I appreciate you! So, the kids are coming back! Eek. And as always callies thoughts aren't so coherent on purpose it's not my lack of writing skills. If you get the chance please leave a review and let me know what you think. I like feedback. And have i mentioned lately how much i miss Fosters Monday? A lot, a lot a lot. But that won't change hiatus. Back to textbooks for me. So, without further ado- Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters I just own this delicious pumpkin chai latte. **

**Callie POV**

"We are going to all sit down again tonight to talk when everyone is calm. For now, schools out soon and the others should be coming home. You okay with all the kids around? We want to let them know that you are okay. They've been concerned." Lena says. I'm still stuck on Stef saying things could have ended badly, she keeps saying bad. Maybe she finally realized I'm bad. See? Told you it would happen you pathetic child. That's what you get for telling them. It just took time for you to see that they're like everyone else, and for them to see just how unloveable you really are. She's calling you bad. But Lena hasn't said that yet? Maybe she still wants me? No, they're always on the same page. Wait, the words are catching up. Lena wants to talk later? That's never a good thing. The kids are coming home. Crap! The kids. Their real kids. Not me. Not us. Jude!

Then the real guilt sets in. I felt bad for making Stef and Lena cry or the other kids worrying but hearing that Jude has been concerned about me just drops my stomach. I feel that piece of toast threatening to come back up. After mommy died I took over her role with Jude, and now I almost left him like she left us. I know it was accidental but so was mommy's, she said she'd come home but she never did. Doesn't matter how broken I am I never want him to be, I will always save him. That's the funny thing about pain. Once it's settled in your heart you spend the rest of your life trying to make sure no one else feels the same hurt. I'll spend the rest of my life making sure no one leaves Jude like that again. That he knows he's worth sticking around for.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm a horrible person. How could I do this? Oh my goodness what the heck was I thinking? Well of course I want sleep I'm just so tired beyond belief. Moms are right I should have gone to them. Okay I need to breathe. I'm getting dizzy over this but I cant breathe no matter how fast I try. Maybe trying to gulp more air at a time? That should help, right? The tears stinging my eyes are released burning tracks down my face. This could have gone so wrong. I can't do that the Jude. Why can't I breathe? Oh, hello white spots. All this time trying to protect him and it could have been gone just because I was selfish and wanted to sleep. Where the hell is that stupid air again? Crap. I'm so horrible. I just. There just. Ugh. Words. Can't. Stupid. Air. Shit. Breath. Dark.

**Stef POV**

I see Callies eyes start glazing as panic grips her at these words. I'm not quite sure what hit her so hard but I'm guessing that it has something to do with Jude. I'm glad I know she finally understands how wrong this was. Consequences matter. But, she's starting to hyperventilate and not responding to us at all. Lena switches seats with me and is sitting facing the girl, placing her hand against the youngsters chest pressing to try and get the girls attention. I wrap my hand around Callie's shoulder and start whispering in her ear that she needs to breathe. Her eyes remain glazed and she's not responding to either of us. If it wasn't for her heaving shoulders at gasping breaths and leaning into me I would think that she's not breathing at all.

Then all of a sudden it happens and I feel her full dead weight fall against me. She hyperventilated to the point of passing out. Again. This is the second time in two days. I really hope getting the girl to see Dr Kodema one-on-one will help her get her anxiety under control that seems to be bubbling to the surface at a rapid pace. I lay the girl down on the couch as Lena slide a pillow under her feet. I shake her shoulder and press my thumb on her trapezius to help elicit a response. She groans in pain and annoyance but opens her eyes. She awoke faster this time, I think its because her blood sugar should be better but otherwise I am happy that she's awake. Her eyes are darting around the room. She takes some deep gasps and looks up at me there is a hint of fear and confusion then just as quickly her mask is back. That mask that she had that first night when she was here. That mask that I was so certain we were making cracks in. I hate that mask.

While I was waking the girl Lena had gone to grab a glass of water and cold wash cloth. She returned and I helped Callie to take a sip and Lena slips next to her and places the cold cloth on her neck. It seems to have a calming effect. She starts taking deep breaths at a more regular rate. Lena gently brushes the girls hair behind her ear and asks "Okay?" Callie just nods in response. She is thinking hard, maybe just not finding the words or afraid of what to say. I can't help the frustrated sigh that is released through my lips. "Words please." Gosh, that's every other sentence out of my mouth right now. "Yeah, thanks." She gets out. "Thank you sweets. Remember, we need to use words with each other. I'm not a mind reader." She just nods in agreement. I look up to Lena hoping she'll take the reigns again, she does with a soothing voice "What got you so worked up?" Callie looks between us for a moment and bites down on her lip before responding. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone." She gasps out, I can hear the guilt lacing her voice. "Oh sweetie, I know you didn't" my love says as we both wrap our arms tighter around the regretful child. This action seems to be the breaking point as her heaving sobs return.

I start shushing the crying girl and whisper in her ear to breathe, that everything will be okay, that she's loved. I move her back onto me and start rocking her. Lena takes the blanket from the back of the couch and lays it over us. We don't need the warmth but hiding in a blanket is always comforting and the girl could use any sort of comfort we can give her. I feel Lena sit in close to me, I take the blanket and wrap it around my woman too. Callie's breathing settles down but the tears continue until I feel her fall asleep against me. I continue rocking us and stroking her hair, partially afraid if I stop she will wake but also because just holding her and knowing she is safe soothes me too.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N- Thanks for reading! I appreciate you! This story is starting to wrap up (3 more i think) but you knew from the start it was only between episodes. Do you guys want a sequel? or a whole new story? please let me know and leave a review if you get the chance. It helps me gauge things. Been a rocky week here but every day is a new start. Hope you had a great week and have a kick-ass weekend! Enjoy! **

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, i only own this sheet of bubble wrap (*pop*)**

**Lena POV**

Soon enough we hear the front door click and the unmistakable sound of our childrens feet. I hear Brandon rush upstairs, Mariana following chatting on her phone, Jesus rolling into the kitchen. How many times do we have to tell him no skateboarding in the house? Last I hear the hesitant shuffle of Jude, I can tell he's standing by the doorway without even looking up. I shift and reach out my arms "Jude, baby, come here." He slowly takes his paces until right by us. His eyes never leaving his sleeping sister. "She's okay, I promise. Please sit with me, let me hold you. I need a hug." Finally he looks over at me, our eyes meeting and the tears he's been holding in are released silently marking his pale skin. He climbs into my lap and I pull the blanket back over us. I hold him close as we just sit there in the silence. Content in being in each others arms, in being wanted, in being loved, in being a family.

There was a crash upstairs, I'm guessing was Jesus. Callie jumped awake at the sound. Which was quickly followed by a yell down the stairs that confirmed my suspicions. "I'm okay!" Yup Jesus. I don't want to leave my position here so I'll accept that for now and talk to him later about it. Now that Callie is awake I think we should start talking to the kids though. Jude first, as I'm unsure of his extent of knowledge about the subject at hand. I look at Stef and she seems to be thinking the same thing. I'm grateful we're on the same page so often. It breaks my heart when we're arguing.

"So, mama and I want to talk to you guys. Okay?" Stef said looking at Jude. He nods but leans further into me, like he's afraid I'll let go. So I wrap my arms tighter and place a kiss on his temple. "I know this isn't going to be easy but a team only works when they're on the same field. And that's what we are, right? A team?" Stef continues as she looks down at Callie who nods but refuses to raise her head. I think she's afraid of what she'll see in Judes eyes, she's been fighting to protect him from the evil in the world for so long. Clearly, the girl has done a great job at it, you can tell by the innocence and purity of the boy in my arms. I just wish she were as innocent.

"Okay, do you want to start or do you want me to talk?" Stef asks the shaking girl. We only get a furious shaking of her head in response. "Hey, hey, hey. That's okay love. It's okay." I utter as I watch Stef place her hand against Callie's head bringing it back to her chest, halting the jolting movements of the child. "You're okay. You don't have to do anything, okay love. I've got you." Stef whispers leaving three kisses to Callie's temple. The girl releases a whimper, but her actions cease and she just wraps her arms tighter around Stef, I can tell she's trying to breathe normally. Jude looks up at me with confusion swirling in his eyes, I just look back silently promising everything will work out. He seems to understand as he leans back into me.

**Callie POV**

I hear them telling Jude what happened. I'm not listening though. I can't listen. I can't hear them talk about me like that. Like a victim. I shiver when I hear them say the dreaded 'r' word. I just can't. If I was in the present I would be broken beyond belief; and I'm broken enough already thankyouverymuch. I also don't want to see that look in Jude's eye. That house was pretty good for us and he got mad when we got kicked out. When I got us kicked out. The hate in his eyes as he cried and yelled that I 'messed up a good place' I can stand. What I can't stand, what I'll never be able to stand, is looking into his eyes and seeing pity.

I feel the boys small hand reach out and grab mine. I hold back tightly, hoping to reassure him that everything is okay. I'm not sure it is, but like always I need him to think that is is. Because I will always try my best to protect what's left of his innocence in this cruel world. But here, this house, it protects us both. There's love without conditions, regular food, acceptance, family. Everything we've ever wanted. For some reason I can't help but to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something will go wrong, it always does. Why doesn't that mean I can enjoy it for now. Not get used to it, no, but at least breathe easier knowing I'm safe. Why is it this hard to accept the chance that someone loves us as much as our mother did. It's not supposed to be this hard.

It's not that I even really heard them talking but I can tell when they're done. I can hear the silence. Feel the quiet. The lack of sound in a house so large is always so unsettling to me. I think it just reminds me of the cold quiet nights in the jail cell. It's funny how quickly I got used to the sound. I think that's part of why I feel so comfortable here, we're never alone. Not abandoned to our own devices. Sure, it gets annoying sometimes and I'll escape to the backyard and lose myself leaning against the tree and staring at the sky. But, it's never too much. It's what I imagine family is supposed to be. That makes it more confusing as to why they haven't sent me away yet. I was never meant for a family.

"Slugabug, we want to talk to everyone before dinner okay?" No! No that's not okay. What the heck is with you people and talking everything through? Seriously?! Can't you just forget something without talking about it first. This family is big on forgive why can't you be big on forget and not talking and ignoring things. "You know we do need to tell them, yes?" She says against my ear. No! No I don't know that. Why do you have to tell them anything? I know I won't win though, I never seem to. You and your stupid logic. Ugh. Fine, you know what? You tell them whatever you want. I don't have to hear it. "Fine. Can't. Please. Sleep." I mumble almost incoherently, I know they hate it but they're lucky I'm saying anything right now. They seem to know it too and don't reprimand me for the garbled speech. "Okay love. Let me take you up to mama and my bed. Lena do you mind herding cats?" Stef jokes as she stands lifting me with her. I'm still curled up in her arms and make no attempt to move, I always feel safe in her arms. The comfort scares me.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N- i know, shorter chapter, sorry, the next one is a longer. Thanks for reading! I love and appreciate you! This is actually the penultimate (i love that word) chapter. So if you have thoughts about what you want next let me know or my writing might be on hiatus as well. Last chapter comes Friday. Please R&R! Enjoy! **

**As always- I don't own The Fosters, all I own is this cup of coffee.**

**Stef POV**

Callie doesn't want to be there when we talk to all the kids, and honestly I can't blame her. I don't want to have this conversation either. But I also don't feel comfortable leaving her alone right now. Maybe we can gather the kids in one of their bedrooms to talk, that way we'll still be close to her if she needs us. I carry the girl up the stairs. I'm grateful she just curls further into me rather than fighting me at this point. I'm tired of fighting against her when the only fighting I want to do is fight for her. I slowly make our up the stairs and to our room. It's been a long time since I carried one of my kids like this.

I make it to the room and place the half sleeping girl down on the bed. When I let go to stand up her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls me back towards her. We almost headbutt but I am able to catch my bearings in time and place my arms on the mattress holding myself up. She releases a little whine but her eyes have yet to reopen. "Stay mommy" she mumbles her lower lip pouting out "no going." She sounds and looks like a tired grade-schooler. I know technically she just called me 'mommy' but I also know she didn't mean me; she thinks I'm her birth mom. I don't have the heart to tell her otherwise or wake her up. "Don't worry baby. Mommy's not going anywhere." I say, taking my hands and releasing her grasp around my neck. I lay next to her on the bed helping her to settle back down.

Moments later I see Lena's head peak around the doorway. "Hi love" she whispers "I got the kids together in the girls room. I thought us all being upstairs would be easier, just in case." I'm glad we're thinking the same thing, I don't even want to leave her for this long alone but know we need to talk to the rest of the kids. I slowly and carefully shift to rise. As I release the girl who was wrapped into my side she instinctively curls up in a small ball, reaching out and pulling back the pillow closest to her. She looks scared yet peaceful, her face relaxes as she gets comfortable. I think Lena's pillow helps, when my love is not around I sleep with her pillow too, its relaxing.

**Lena POV**

My love and I stand there watching the girl reposition herself, she looks so small. Once she stops moving and I think she's settled her right hand reaches up, stroking against her nose a few times before her hand wraps shut and her thumb finds its way into her mouth. She appears to be the little child I imagine she was when her mother died. My heart breaks that I don't get to see this innocence regularly, that the world taught her she can't be like this. She still has a soft heart, she just built a strong wall around it. She's like Stef in that, rejection for being who you are hurts and then you just hide your feelings. But, when those people open their heart to you I haven't seen anything comparable to that beauty and overflowing love that they trust you not to hurt them. That they know you are safe.

Stef gets my attention and nods toward the door, we make our way as quietly as possible into the hallway. Once there I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. The overwhelming sigh came from deep in my heart and was quickly followed by arms being wrapped around me in a strong hug. I held back with might, we just stood there holding on. So much has happened in the past day and we haven't had a real chance to check in with the other. To just be like this. I slightly pull away, knowing if I don't now I never will and I can't stop now. I can cry tonight in her arms, but for now I have children I need to take care of. "I love you so much" were the only words that could turn from my rambled thoughts to coherent speech and escape my lips. They said everything and yet were not sufficient. "I love you too." She replied giving me a quick kiss.

"Let's do this." She said, I nodded and followed her to the girls room, our hands grasping. We hear hushed sounds of the kids, I can't make out the words but it abruptly stops as Stef raps her knuckles gently on the door and pushes it open. All eyes dart to the doorway as we enter. Jesus is pacing the room, Mariana is sitting on her bed reading a fashion magazine with Jude, and Brandon is on Callies bed. We make our way over and sit on Callies bed, Brandon moves himself to the floor takig the headphones from his ears and making Jesus sit down with him. I can tell they're worried, especially when they get rounded up, and I can't quite tell them there's no reason to be. We try to be always honest and I'm not sure if it would be a lie. Guess it's best to just get this over with.

"Okay, my babies, no ones in trouble. But, mama and I have to talk you you about a few things..."


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N- well this is the end. thanks for reading, i love and appreciate you. I've gotten a few people say they want me to keep posting so it look like on Monday I'll post my first chapter of the next story. Its what happens if Callie gets stuck at Helen's, there are some twists. I know this chapter is short but i hate endings and i really really suck at writing them. so here it is wrapping into the beginning of the next episode. We knew this going in that it was ending here. Hope to see you in the next story. Enjoy!**

**As always- I don't own The Fosters all i own is this mug of coffee.**

**Stef POV**

We finished telling the kids what happened and answering their questions. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. We left out any details of the breaking down, just let them know what happened at the Olmsted's and the other day at school, that Callie was having a bit of a difficult time dealing with things, that we would be there to help. And, most importantly, if they see Liam around to let me know immediately. As well, that we would be taking court action. They asked questions like how they could help support Callie and some more specifics from what we've said. Brandon's anger at the situation returned and Jesus got angry and started pacing the room again. Mariana and Jude just sat there crying and holding each other. They were concerned and protective about their sister. Sister! Oh right, we need to talk about that.

I look to Lena after we've all been quiet for a moment. "Do you want to get dinner started? It's been a long day and I'm sure you could find an assistant? We'll all be down to help in a few." I ask, luckily she gets the hint. "That sounds like a great idea, I'm starving. Jude would you like to help me with the salad? I can never get it as great as you do!" She exclaims. We get a bit of an odd look but Jude nods and untangles himself from Mariana. Lena wraps her arm around his shoulder and leads him out of the room. I look at the the children left in here with me who are staring intently waiting on whatever I was going to say.

"I know it hasn't been too long that we've had the Jacobs siblings with us, and it was a bit of a rough start. But, mama and I feel like they're already a part of the family and wanted to ask you what you think about making them officially your siblings?" I got resounding yeses, 'there's enough to go around' 'she's already my sister' and 'it wouldn't be the same without them' all exclaimed over each other. "You sure? We don't want to push you into anything that would make you uncomfortable." I double checked, after their agreement I told them to get ready for dinner and see if they needed help in the kitchen. I departed towards my room.

**Callie POV**

I'm not sure how long I was laying there curled up but it helped my headache to just rest. Given the chance I could still sleep for a week though. I haven't really had the chance to be alone in the last few days, but to be honest I'm okay with that. I don't want to be left in my own head, the thoughts scare me sometimes. Last time that happened a mirror got broken. Soon I felt the bed shift and arms cloaking me. I uncurl myself and wrap myself around the warm body. Stef strokes my cheek then casually runs her fingers through my hair. "Sleepy head, we have to get up and help mama with dinner, okay?" Stef asks and I groan out "No, mama's fine. Stay here."

As I felt Stef kiss my forehead I realized my slip up. I jolted upright my cheeks flush with embarrassment, ignoring the spinning of my vision. "Uh, I mean, Lena's fine. But, you're right! We should, uhm help. Yeah. Let's go." I ramble on the verge of incoherence, trying to stumble to the door. Stef was faster as I feel her arms wrap around me and stop my hurried movements. "It's okay, you know? To think of us as your moms. We are." I just tense up. "But, I won't say anything. You can say it when you feel comfortable. No worries. No rush. Okay, love?" I nod at the out she gave me.

We head downstairs. Lena gives me a smile, I try to return it. Jude is helping her cook. He seems so comfortable and happy around her. I'm not sure if I'm jealous of how they took to each other, like he's replacing me. Or if I'm just happy that he's safe and finally seems content. I hope he gets to stay, I hope we both do. I try to set aside the fear that we'll go and just enjoy the now where I know we are safe. I head over and give Jude a quick hug then set out to get the table settings in place.

As I make my way to the silverware drawer Stef comes over to me and says "Hey, I wanted you to know that I spoke with Bill, and Sarah has been removed from the Olmsteads' and I have a friend at the DA's office that I'm talking to about Liam I will let you know what happens but uh, I just wanted you to know." I give a small nod and smile in agreement "okay". Things aren't over but I know I don't have to face them alone. I go to keep setting the table, I know where everything is like I've been a part of this family forever. As if there was no time before them. I'm finally ready to be loved, I think as I place a knife in line with a spoon, making the setting perfect. I look around. Just like the arrangement of the table everyone has their place and purpose in this family. Jude and I included.


End file.
